therapy

» burns

"My burns don't heal anymore." She started to braid her hair, not looking into my eyes or anyone else's.

"Your burns? What burns?"

"The ones on my heart. The ones on my moral conscience. The ones on my sole existence."

"And who burns you?"

"The ones that brought me into this world. The ones that are supposed to put ice on the burns of life, when in reality, they cause the burns and then watch us suffer. The ones that are supposed to unconditionally love you, utterly and eternally. The ones who can't wait until you mess up so they can scream tainted words."

"What's he doing?" I knew who she was talking about, well half of it.

"He places a white cloud into the air and expects us not to cough. He gulps down liquor as if it's water. He embarrasses and shames everyone around him, to the point that other relatives cannot even make an appearance in the house. He puts down everyone around him, hoping to gain something from it. But what the hell does he gain? How about when no one is on his deathbed, what's going to happen then? Is he going to rant about how it's his fault? Of course not. He's going to blame it on everyone but himself. He screams when things don't go his way. He lives in the Stone Age, of women obeying him one hundred and ten percent. He expects her to not get mad, or cry, or feel when he winks at others. He defines disgust and all of its synonyms in the book."

"And whoever in the world decides to follow in his footsteps needs to know that in the end, you'll be so lonely. You won't get any respect. People just 'deal' with you. People shake their heads behind your back. Your own children will be ashamed to have your last name. That's how bad it'll get. When your own flesh and blood cannot even stand you. And so, as the clouds enter my lungs without allowing me to say no, and so I isolate myself from you, and so the burns press deeper into my skin. And then people have the audacity to ask, "Why do you hate people so much?" Well, maybe it's because I haven't seen good in anyone, to begin with. Imagine opening up your eyes for the first time and seeing someone like that. How are you supposed to see anyone else in a different image?"