As I hobbled over to "our spot" - which was deep into the forest where the drug addicts do heroin (not that I would know teehee,) I felt my prothetic heart flutter like a german flag in the wind (that I caused ofc - all naturale x)
I could see cobwebs swaying from the shady forest trees - but that was ok, since I loved that edgy aesthetic.
I could see the huge hole (not mine, you naughty naughty) in the ground that Putin and I loved and made love in. ;)
There, in the middle of the hole, levitating above the ground due to his intelligence, was my sugar booger.
His love filled gaze swept over all 500kgs of me.
"There you are kitten, come to daddy" cooed my angelic looking man.
I smiled a huge Angela smile, and galavanted towards him, taking huge strides, as I felt my red blood cells rush towards my cheeks. (Yes, those ones.)
"I have a surprise for you, my elegant frog"
I loved his nicknames for me.
"What is the surprise, Putty Wutty?"
"Come and look in here" he said as he gestured to the hole under him.
He glided in the air towards me with impeccable grace and agility. It was giving Edward Cullen. I love them vampiric men.
In the hole, were 22 huge Russian, grizzly bears.
"Oh, how wonderful!" I squealed in excitement.
Amid the bears was also a very cute dog:
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It was the cutest dog I had ever seen in my 7779900 years of life.
"Vi vatch bear fight now" said Putin in his sexc Russian accent - the one that prevents him from using articles.
The bears started to fight and their growls filled the shady forest. Goosebumps went down my back.
Suddenly they stopped fighting each other. They made a little circle. After a few hushed whispers and curt nods, all 22 turned towards us. And slowly grinned.
"Ww-w-w-w-w-w-whats happening?" I squealed, fighting the immense urge to sing Fight Song.
Putin looked a little off-PUTin.
"Don't worry my sweet quadratic parabola, I will fight them" Putin bravely proclaimed.
He was so hot when he was brave like that. Determination glinted in his icy blue orbs, and his nose morphed into a sword. He was ready for battle, and I started to sing Katyusha.
I felt a pounding in my chest, as the bears came rushing forward, their paws thundering on the soil. Time slowed, as their maws opened, revealing huge, sharp teeth. A huge burst of saliva spewed across us as the bears projectile spat on us. Suddenly a huge blackness started to spawn -
We were engulfed.
I looked to my left, but to my dismay Putin wasn't there. He was on my right. Of course he was, since he was always right.
We were in the bear's mouth.
Before I could say anything, the bear swallowed us whole.
We travelled down its oesophagus that was literally like a slide of doom.
Then landed in its intestines.
Putin and I looked at each other. Then smiled. The second I saw the bear's intestines, I knew. This was going to be our forever home.
-----------------------------------------------------12 YEARS LATER------------------------------------------------------
Putin and I sat together at a cute coffee table, that we crafted out of the bear's liver. Yes, we still lived in the bear's intestines. You can check by googling our address:
123 Large Intestine
Digestive System 01
Russian Grizzly Bear
I even picked out the colour of the walls <3
Putin and I lived happily ever after, receiving all the nutrition we needed from the colon. Any time we needed a breath of fresh air, we stuck out head out the bear's anus. (Don't worry, the bear just thought he had haemorrhoids.)
We love our simple cottage/pinterest core life.
Well kids - the ones I didn't molest - thats my story. I hope your love life will be somewhat close to mine. Never settle for less, ladies.
Moral of the story: Always look to your right, because that's where Mr Right will be :)
XOXO Gossip Girl
(Angela)
Us living a happy life:
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- THE END -
A/N: This chapter was sponsored by my sister, who once saved a man from drowning in a fire (she's 6ft BTW).
