Putin is extremely hot and romantic. After the night we met, I was only capable of producing 1 out of my usual 5 thoughts, and that was: Putin.
It had been 1 day without seeing my Vladdy Daddy, and what an agonising and lonesome day it was. My life had truly lost all purpose. In fact, I felt so empty I was about to go and eat a Russian flag to fill the void inside me. That was, until I got a message on my Nokia iBrick phone.
Putin💋: Angela my Angel, I'm almost done with my presidential meeting. Meet me at our spot at 4.20pm <3
My heart fluttered and did the pre-cardiac arrest thing. My intestines felt warm and fuzzy - the same way they do after you drink too much vodka.
I decided I'd better set off to put on the cutest outfit I could possibly assemble so that at 4.20pm today, weed wouldn't be the only smoking thing :)
Oops! Questa immagine non segue le nostre linee guida sui contenuti. Per continuare la pubblicazione, provare a rimuoverlo o caricare un altro.
Look how hot I am. Key word: look. No touch.
I really like the way the EU flag brings out the gold in my hair. Fun fact: the stars on the EU flag don't actually stand for unity, solidarity and harmony as the media says. That's cap. I actually designed the flag, so I know the true meaning. Nobody knows I was the artistic genius behind it though, since that would be controversial or whatever.
The flag is actually representative of my life: 12 gold stars, one for each person who accidentally called me Mutti in public. It was kind of a hit list. Until Putin called me Mutti and once again my opinions were altered and world peace was restored. I decided I liked it.
By "our spot," Putin means our spot fr fr, and I wondered what romantic gesture he was going to whip out. I sighed wistfully as I thought to myself, "what an endlessly romantic man."
