Today I woke up bright and early to feed the rare breed of bears I have nestled in my basement illegally. I went to the cupboard to take out a capitalist that I had trapped so I could feed him to my cute bears. As I grabbed his dusty capitalist meat, I sighed a lonely Putin sigh. I have no wife to make me a husband.
I walked downstairs of my huge, Russian mansion which made me even more Vladilonely. I almost shed a valuable Putin tear, but then I passed by a mirror, and my happiness was restored when I saw how beautiful I was.
I set off to do my daily skincare routine. How else do you think I have such nice skin? It is due to my Russian genetics AND my Russian skincare routine. In a clean, Russian bowl, I poured some nice vodka, in which i dipped my face in. It helps to keep a youthful aura. It also intoxicates the people I talk to, so I can get what I want. How else do you think I remain a powerful person in the ever-changing world? My good looks are not enough these days because people have turned into material gurlsssss.
Today I had a flight to germany, and usually I would be excited to go in my first class private jet, but today? Nyet.
Today I was not excited to go to Germany, because a week ago, I almost choked on my Bratwurst. I think the Germans wanted to assassinate me. Thankfully I am Putin, which immediately makes me immortal so I didn't die or anything. I just really don't want to deal with the Germans and their futile assassination attempts. Nor do I want to deal with their boneless humour. Their so called "jokes" put me in a situation where I have to sparingly use my 3 fake laughs per day. (yes, I can only fake laugh for a total of 3 times a day, I don't have a premium subscription - I won't waste my Russian President Money on such, please.)
Anyway, today, as I stepped onto my private jet, everything was so boring and bleak that I had no idea that this particular trip to germany would be the most eventful in my entire life!
A/N: It is currently 2.52am. Enjoy.
KAMU SEDANG MEMBACA
Three Words: I Love You (Putin x Angela Merkel)
RomansaPutin and Angela Merkel unexpectedly find love :) Guys pls this is satire and idk what I'm doing send help
