"Calm down, just calm down." He thought to himself as he tried to even out his labored breathing, it it seems to just have made it worse.
His breathing became shorter and harder causing him to clutch his chest as the bitter December air seemed to...
Jay sat at the kitchen table of his apartment as he stared intently at box in front of him.
His hair had been disheveled, his shirt wrinkled, and his eye bags getting worse. He'd been having terrible nightmares, thoughts, and experiences ever since his situation had been explained.
Though it didn't get as bad as it is now until he decided to order a bible and have it express shipped to him. That's what was in the box.
'This is all your fault, it's happening because purchased something so useless.'
A thought rang out causing him to roll his eyes. He'd been walking around on eggshells for days, convinced he was gonna go to sleep and not wake up, and uncanny amount of mental battles. He was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Jay rolled his eyes. He'd admit that he knew the Bible wasn't useless, but he also definitely knew he was getting 'attacked' for a lack of better words because he bought it.
'So it must have something of use in it...right?'
'Nothing of use is in it. That's why you gave up the first time remember? It's just a book. That's it. It can't help you, nothing can.'
These thoughts felt like nails against his brain.
For a little backstory Jay knew about God, he knew about the Bible and church being that that's how he was raised. He unfortunately like most never actually got to have a personal relationship with God, he was usually dragged to church and forced to sit through hours of some man yelling and swearing his way through a 'message.' that Jay retained none of.
He even recalled the times the pastor would speak in a language that he knew for a fact wasn't English. Even his mom and aunties would do it, that completely freaked him out, yet when he would ask about it all he'd get was "it's the Holy Ghost."
'The who!?' Would be his thought every time as he just nodded getting no further explanation.
The of course he was always told what he couldn't do, what he shouldn't do, what not to say, how not to dress, just no, no, no.
Which left him wondering at the ripe age of fifteen. 'Well damn what CAN I do? If I breathe the wrong way I'm damned?'
He felt like he was stuck, learning absolutely nothing, bored out of his mind, and constantly being yelled at or judged and for what? What was the benefiting?
His answer was simple. Nothing.
His solution to this answer? Was to leave and get as far away as possible as soon as he was old enough and he did. At the age of eighteen, he packed his things, moved states and hasn't been home since. Now here he is several years later staring down the very thing he never thought he'd come back to.
The very thing he'd learned to have a slight disdain for over the years.
Jay blinks as he runs a hand through his hair once more, sliding his hand across the table he pulled the box closer to himself and began to open it. As he reached inside he pulled out the gray hardback book only to let it falter when a twinge of pain shot through his left ear down the nape of his neck.
Grimacing in pain, he held onto the Bible and pushed the box it came in to the side.
'If this is so useless, if it's just a book. Why is the world so against me reading it? What's the harm.' He thought to himself as he opens the vaguely familiar book to a random chapter.
He stared at it for a moment before seeing what it actually was.
Esther 4:14
"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place. But you and your fathers family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?"
Jay fell silent as he let those words sink in. 'What does this mean?' He wondered to himself as he stood up to finally go shower in what felt like days.
As he finished his nightly routine for the first time in a while, he finally began to feel tired as opposed to earlier this week where he would lay in bed staring at the ceiling for hours, then once he would finally fall asleep, he'd be woken up by the night terrors.
It was a repetitive and exhausting cycle that he hoped would be ending soon.
As Jay lay in bed the song he'd quickly grown fond of began playing in his head. What was the name of it again? Rolling over, Jay grabbed his phone off his nightstand and opened Safari.
With a quizzical look, he rolled back onto his back and began typing words and phrases he'd heard. 'Where are your people from?' Nothing. 'Hersheys kiss, honey chocolate song.' Nothing. Sighing in frustration, Jay purses his lips in thought only to have it cut short by the sound of a smack when his phone falls on his face.
"Ouch! Motherfu-" 'Skin so brown, lips so round baby how can I be down?' Softly rang in his ear causing him to pause, pulling his phone off his mouth he clicked on the search bar typing that in.
'Was that a lyric?'
After having listened to multiple wrong songs, if this one wasn't it he was just gonna ask her himself.
As he pressed on the YouTube link, he waited in anticipation as the ad seemed to drag on. But as soon as the instrumental started, he knew this was the one. Jay closed his eyes in contentment as he lowered his phone and let the song play.
Small flashes of the woman who was the reason he wanted to hear this song didn't realize just how fitting it was for her.
As he recalled her features , he could remember her skin, her lips and even the dimples she had when she smiled. He could even vaguely recall the mole she had under her left eye, though that could've been just something he imagined.
What he did remember is the way her entire being had him frazzled
As he finally began dozing off into resting he recalled the last thought he had being
'Who is she? And why did she show up like this? Why so suddenly?'
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