This isn't weird.

Buggin' Out

Tess, of course, having magically disappeared in a puff of smoke, never to be seen or heard from again.

Heaven.

A particular favorite began to play, and without thinking about it, he nudged up the volume. He was drumming his thumbs against the steering wheel, mindlessly mouthing along the words to Buggin' Out under his breath, when he noticed something in the corner of his eye.

So was Tess.

Earbuds having been removed, her head was bobbing along to the beat, her fingers tapping on her knees. He could even hear her humming. She noticed at the exact same time, and they shared a split second glance before looking sharply away from each other. They went still, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge that they had experienced even a tiny sliver of accidental connection. But the damn beat was infectious, and the second his guard was down, he was unconsciously drumming along once more, and she resumed absentmindedly humming.

They caught themselves again and mutually grimaced.

Ben didn't look at her as he awkwardly cleared his throat. "You, um... like Tribe?"

A few seconds passed before she decided to dignify his question with a response. "Mmhmm," she mumbled. Then, a moment later, "I, uh... stole my brother's copy of this album when I got my first car. Listened to it on repeat for like six months before he caught me with it. He was so pissed."

"Oh," he said. "Cool."

The song ended, giving way to a commercial for a used car dealership. They sat, quiet and uncomfortable, until Tess heaved a defeated sigh, reached for the aux cable, and started the album from the beginning. Three tracks in, Ben found his sense of hostility steadily dwindling, and loathed himself for it. His stupid, stupid instinct for making peace was creeping up on him.

"Millie mentioned you have a bunch of brothers," he said.

"Six," she replied. "They're assholes." There was a note of fondness in her voice.

"Wow. All in the same house?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Must have been crowded."

"Yeah."

"Were you the youngest?" Ben asked. He wasn't sure why he made the assumption.

"For a while," she replied. "Until the twins were born."

"Oh."

The conversation stalled for the length of another song.

"Half-brothers, technically," she said, unprompted. "Same mom. Except the twins. Same dad with them. Legally, anyway."

"Oh. So your parents were... divorced?"

"Mmhmm. Eventually." She paused, chewing her lip, before begrudgingly volunteering, "Mom left right after I was born."

"Oh." 

Tess glanced at him, his brow subtly furrowed as he tried to mentally map it all out. She sighed, picked up her phone, and made a few quick swipes before passing it to him. Ben slowed the car a little as he studied the photo on the screen. A crowded huddle of grinning teenage boys with an older man in the center, arms thrown around the two boys standing closest. They were all uncanny in their resemblance to one another; broad and short, with golden tan skin and curly brown hair, though the father's was streaked with silver. And there behind the two smallest boys was an adolescent Tess, conspicuously dark and towering over the lot of them. She was smiling, too, an open, relaxed smile he could never have pictured on her perpetually stern face.

Ben passed the phone back to her. "So your mom...?"

"An affair," she said brusquely. "The guy fucked off when she got pregnant. She didn't want to keep me. Dad did. Thought they could work it out. Then she had me, and she fucked off, too. Never actually met her."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's whatever." She shrugged. "He got remarried when I was four. My stepmom's pretty cool."

"Oh." Ben stared ahead at the road, wondering why she would suddenly share something so personal with him of all people. It occurred to him how vulnerable she must be feeling herself, having been abruptly cut off by both her best friend and her boyfriend in the space of a few hours. Even if she deserved it.

She was desperate for someone to see her. To understand that she was a human being with her own story, not just the villain in somebody else's.

He felt a pang of sympathy.

"Millie loves you," he said quietly.

She didn't respond.

"She'll forgive you. Eventually. If you try. If you do the work."

"Millie doesn't forgive people. She moves on."

Ben swallowed, and replied with less confidence than intended, "She forgave me."

Tess shook her head. "No, she didn't."

"Last night, when we talked—"

"She never blamed you."

"For what?"

"For anything."

"That can't be true. I fucked up. A lot."

"Yeah, you did. And she blamed herself fucking every time."

"But... it wasn't her fault."

Tess's voice suddenly became hoarse, her pitch rising, imbuing her words with a frightened, childlike quality. "I know," she choked. "It was mine. It was always mine." Her voice broke. "And now she knows."

Eye widening, Ben looked over at Tess, her body racked with sobs as a gush of tears slid down her face. Without a second's consideration, Ben pulled the car over on the shoulder. "Hey! Hey, it's okay. It's going to be okay," he said, reaching for her hand.

She snatched it out of his reach with a scowl. "Keep driving," she snapped, rubbing her forearm over her eyes. "We don't have time to stop."

"It's going to be okay, Tess," he said again. 

"Just keep fucking driving!"

Knowing it was pointless to argue, he did as he was told, but mumbled an excuse about needing to get gas and took the next exit. Turning into the first station he spotted, he pulled up to a pump and turned off the engine. Tess mumbled her own excuse about finding a restroom and climbed out of the car.

"Take your time," he said, though if she heard him, she didn't acknowledge it. When he'd finished refueling, Ben went into the store and pretended to be deeply indecisive about the various snack choices on offer, procrastinating until he was sure she'd had enough time to compose herself. When he finally returned to the car, Tess was already waiting in the passenger seat, her eyes red but dry.

"Took you long enough," she muttered.

"Sorry." He passed her a cold bottle of ginger ale and a package of peanut butter cups before returning to the road. She put in her earbuds, and they resumed their drive in silence.