When Last Night Didn't End

Episode 12: 岐路と帰らぬ場所

Oblivious of the internal struggle he had over carrot ends, she tapped a finger against her chin. "Maths," she said—the most expected answer. "Programming. Indoor plumbing. Ecology. RPS. First loves."

Rin frowned. "Rock-paper-scissors?" his tone rose to an incredulous peak. "That's simple. The simplest game, in fact."

He held out a hand curled into a fist. "Saisho wa guu," he said.

Hye-jin whipped out her fist, moving it like she was hammering something. "Gawi bawi bo!" she threw out a rock. Rin had thrown paper. "See? It's plenty complicated. How did you know I was going to go for rock?"

"Luck?" his shoulders jerked as he went back to chopping carrots. Hye-jin edged behind him and took the napa cabbage, its thin leaves swashing against each other. That's for the kimchi, right?

Hye-jin nodded at him as she peeled the first layer of the cabbage. "That's because you're not aiming to win," she said. "It gets complicated if you want to win, making you apply the principles in game theory and psychology."

Rin finished the carrots and deposited them into another pot where the broth would go later. "Then just don't aim to win," he said, to which Hye-jin rolled her eyes. She gave up, which meant it was time to move on to another topic. "You mentioned first love. Do you have that?"

"Yeah. Everybody has one, I think," the cabbage in Hye-jin's hand had shrunk further with every snap the thick stalks made as they tore apart from the base. "Don't you?"

Rin sank his teeth against his lip. Did he? He was more concerned with what Hye-jin's answer would be, though. "What about you?" he threw it back at her. "Did he hurt you?"

The faucet turned on. He glanced at her to see her features had morphed into one tainted by nostalgia. "Nah, he didn't. Couldn't, more like," she answered. "He was sweet. Athletic. Smart. All the girls in our school were infatuated with him. Me, included."

Rin was silent. Growing up in his hometown, he didn't understand why some people were liked to the point of being idolized and why some were not. He was not in the first category, so he had a relatively straightforward school life back then. "That's not first love though," he said.

A hand still wet from tap water whished to slap him in the arm. Water whisked into his face, his clothes, and jangmonim's beloved tiles lining the counter. "I'm not done yet," she clicked her tongue and went back to her task of washing the cabbage leaves. "So, as the girls are clamoring for his attention, I admired him from afar. Looking back, I really didn't know what happened, but we...you know, became a thing."

He whistled. His girlfriend's history was something out of a drama he used to see on television. "Must have been nice," he commented.

"Hardly," Hye-jin said, a frown replacing her relaxed smile. "I found out he was using me to get other girls off his back especially when he had to focus for the end-of-school exams."

Oh. "Must have sucked," he said. "I'm sorry."

Hye-jin shrugged. "Cried about it for a night. The next day I'm fine," she said. "It's not like he's boyfriend material anyway. All he cared about was pleasing his dad and would go on and on about him. It's like having his dad as the boyfriend."

Rin laughed. "That's tougher," he said. "Thankfully, I don't have a father."

Hye-jin paused before turning to him. "Is that why you're asking? So you could compare yourself to them?"

" 'Them'?" his eyebrows creased. "There's more?"

She blinked, having been caught in her slip-up. She placed a hand over her lips, a look of guilt coloring her cheeks and scrunching her face. "One or two," she said. "Four. Five? I can't remember."

"Wow," he breathed.

"Stop looking at me like that," she finished washing the cabbages and wiped her hands on her apron. They weren't going out for very long and Hye-jin already knew him like the back of her hand, being able to tell what was on his mind with a single glance. "I'm sure you had loads too."

He smirked. "I'll take that as a compliment," he said. "But there's just one."

A beat passed between them. Two. Hye-jin elbowed him on the side, jostling his ticklish spot. He shied away from her. "Not gonna tell?" Her eyes gleamed at the sudden discovery, raising her hands with fingers hooked. Rin had never felt that kind of fear clench his gut and made him run away on the spot.

He cleared his throat and tried to regain his composure. "It's during middle school," he said. "She was kind. Smart. Passionate in doing what she loved. Even if I didn't play any instrument, I would watch her practice every day in the music room. We never became a thing. She moved out of the neighborhood one day and never came back. I don't even remember her name."

The memory of the sweet melodies ringing from inside the music room flashed in his mind. "I have no idea what happened to her since then," he looked at Hye-jin who had forgotten she was supposed to make kimchi out of the washed cabbages. "So, you're still way ahead of me, Miss Heartbreaker."

Red colored Hye-jin's cheeks. "I-it's not just me who broke their hearts," she said. "Sometimes, it's my heart that breaks."

"What would you have done then?" Rin asked, the question flying out of his lips before he could overthink its ethics and appropriateness.

Hye-jin scoffed. "I'd look for someone who has a big heart, one who always aims to help," she said. "Someone who would be there for me through all seasons of life. Someone who makes me feel special, like I'm the only person in the world," she giggled and glanced at Rin. "You know, cheesy things like that."

No pressure, right? He had been friends with Hye-jin since their freshman days and now that they're close to graduating, they seemed to be moving on to this brand new type of relationship. Did Hye-jin see that in him when she decided to say yes to them dating? Was he fated to be one of the string of flings and exes, someone she'd leave the moment she found that guy she was talking about?

"What would you have done differently back then?" Hye-jin asked. Her fingers combed through the leaves. She wasn't getting anything done, though.

Rin exhaled through his nose. "I'd go for a girl who was willing to fight for herself and her voice," he said. "Someone who's strong in her own right. Someone who can save herself, who can sometimes help me save myself too."

"That way, I can be of help to her for whatever she needs," Rin continued. "I'm not looking for a servant or something. I just want someone who would be my friend, my partner-in-crime, a companion in insanity and in laughter."

A smirk grew on Hye-jin's lips. She's about to say something snarky when one of the pot's lids started quivering. They looked to the stove to find froth oozing as the water inside boiled and boiled. Well...shit.

"What's going on there?" came Jangmonim's voice, accompanied by a series of scratchy steps. Rin exchanged a look with Hye-jin. Together, they got ready for an hour-long lecture about using the kitchen.