Meet Some Friends Of Mine (South Park X Reader)

No Matter What

Cartman hands his phone around to everyone, letting them look.

"No! We're not spreading this around, dumbass!" Kyle fumes.

"I won't look. For her". Tolkien shakes his head.

"It's not real, Wendy faked everything." Stan runs a hand down his face.

"What do we do?" Clyde cries out.

"Gah- this- this is to much!" Tweek twitches.

They look at each other, hopeless and sad.

"She'll have to turn up soon". Cartman shakes his head. "We'll be ready."
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"Hmm". Cartman puts his finger to his chin, thinking it over.

"Alright, here's what we do.."

"This is gonna work in five phases." He tells the group. "We need everyone for this to work".

He looks back, everyone nods their heads. Cartman looks to her, standing in the middle— completely terrified. He looks away from her as he turns to the whiteboard.

"Testabitch will pay.." He thinks.

"Phase one. The group falls apart." He draws on the whiteboard, messy and childlike. "We gotta make everyone believe we believe, the new girl is no longer apart of us."

"She still is though, right?" Clyde looks to her.

"As far as everyone's concerned, no. I want absolutely zero contact between everyone. Wendy can see all of it." He taps the board.

"And phase two?" Stan asks.

Cartman looks to everyone.

"We make Wendy thinks she's won. New kid, your not aloud to leave your house until you get the go-ahead". He looks to her, she nods.

"Do. Not. Break." He threatens. "Anyone of you could fuck us, if you just so happen to even look at her." Cartman scowls at the boys.

They nod, reluctantly.

"Stan, you gotta go back to Wendy." Cartman points at him.

"The fuck I will?" He clenches his fists.

"You have to, and you will. Do you want this to work?" Cartman crosses his arms.

Stan looks down, defeated and angry. His friend, the girl next to him, grabs his arm in comfort.

It's quiet again, and Cartman continues.

"By Wednesday, we should have her. That's where team Craig comes in."

They look around to each other, confused.

"Token, you have to get Nichole to push Wendy. Tell her you think it's a really good idea Stan and her get together again." He looks to Jimmy. "And that's when we write the paper, exposing everything she's done, evidence and all. The paper will be out as soon as we livestream her confession. Cartman demands.

"I can't lie to Nichole.." Tolkien shakes his head.

"We'll your going to, I don't care what it takes. You fuck this up, we can't continue." He crosses his arms.

It's Tolkiens turn to look down, sad and defeated.

"That's when we entire phase three". He points back to the whiteboard.

Everyone is on the edge of their seats as Cartman continues.

"Newbie and Stan, you two are in charge of getting us there, and to phase four, no matter what the cost." He looks to both of them. "You have to pretend everything Wendy had said is true, get her to break. I don't care if you have to fuck on that damn sidewalk. Break. Her." He scowls.

"How are we supposed to do that?" She speaks quietly.

"Jesus, you guys really are stupid— okay, confess your fake love for each other, say something, bait her. She will expose herself for us."

Stan looks down to her, wide eyed as she lets go of his arm. They look away from each other. Stan rubs the back of his neck.

"New kid, that's when you expose her position. Make her think she's ambushing you, when really, we're ambushing her. You got that?" He points to the angry stick figure of Wendy on the white bored.

"Wendy'll kill her!" Kyle raises his voice.

"We'll be there, all of us. Just in the next room, ready for her confession."

"Well, w-what if she doesn't confess?" Butter knocks his knuckles together, a little worried.

"She will butters." Cartman confirms. "We'll be there the whole time, recording, using 'Call Girls' tactics against her."

Cartman shrugs.
"If a fight breaks out— well, that's all the better for us".

He's evil.

The new girl looks at him, wide eyed. Afraid of the capabilities Wendy possess when she's mad. She's seen it first hand.

"I'll protect you, I promise". Stan whispers to her.

He smiles at her, she doesn't return it, shaking her head. Stan grabs her hand.

"We'll be there the whole time". He says.

"Yeah, don't worry about it. Your hero will save the day!" Clyde boosts.

Kenny furrows his eyebrows at him.
"Her hero? The fuck?" He thinks.

"Phase four!" Cartman interrupts everyone. "Wendy's confession. We get that, we go straight to the principal, which is phase five. She will be pissed and looking for vengeance, we don't give her the time— or the satisfaction".

He looks back to the group.
"Project: Wendy's Demise". He finishes.

It's quiet in the room as everyone looks to each other.

What if this fails?
What's plan: B?

"Questions?" Cartman opens the floor.

Everyone raises their hands.

"None, great! Let's go over it again!" He claps.

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