Nepenthe | Sapnap |

Endless Cycle

Lifting my head once the person was in front of me, I quickly ducked it again to give privacy as Phil placed a bouquet of flowers down in the center of the name plaque and knelt down with his forehead to the headstone.

I tried my best to not listen to what Phil was saying but my ears ended up catching the tail end of his conversation.

"I miss you, -"

And then he said Techno's real name that I decided to purge completely from my memory. I felt wrong knowing his true name, that was his business and his to tell.

Phil took a breath before pushing off the ground to stand back up straight. I kept my gaze down on my fingers that were wrapping a piece of grass around my forefinger until Phil patted my shoulder.

"We need to talk."

"About what?" I tossed the used grass to the side before ripping a new one.

Phil's hand slid off my shoulder and back to his side as he looked around, his voice now low. "Not in public." He held his hand out to me, offering to help me up. I took it as he spoke again. "We got more eavesdroppers than usual. And I don't completely trust all the new ones yet."

I dusted off my jeans, "Fair enough. Lead the way."

Neither of us spoke another word until the front door to Phil's house was closed and we were in his dining room. This room had slowly become our base of operations. Meetings and talks were always held in this room.

The walls that held paintings were now covered in maps and colored string that showed the patrol routes. Different color thumbtacks were stuck in the wall and paper that displayed where and when footprints or any kind of sign of Wolverines were seen.

Another wall had patrol pairings and horses written down on taped up notebook paper, so nothing was too repetitive. A schematic of our nail bombs was taped to the wall along with a list of what was still needed before the ambush could take place.

Upon closer inspection of the paper before I took a seat, all but one thing was crossed off of that list.

A date.

Phil spoke as I sat down in the seat across from him, "Thanks to the information and directions that Luke gave us, we found and have eyes on the three hideouts that they got. The supermarket being the largest, obviously."

I couldn't have been sitting for no more than ten seconds before I went to go stand again. "Alright, let's go."

"Sit." I eyed Phil as he leaned back in his chair. "You're filled to the brim with anger and revenge."

I raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'no shit', and placed my palms down on the table, leaning forward. For once my mouth was shut as I waited for Phil to talk again.

"This is why I wanted to talk with you. Alone."

He closed his eyes for a moment as he focused his thoughts. He knew, just as much as the next person, that he needed to choose his next words carefully with me standing in front of him.

"I want to avenge Techno's death just as much as you, maybe even more. But we need to discuss this with a level head and logically. Revenge is an endless cycle and the last thing we need is to add to the casualty list. And honestly, closure is more important than revenge. Getting revenge could leave you feeling emptier than before."

"I want her dead," I replied, not a beat after he closed his mouth. My jaw was tight as my teeth clenched together. "I'll kill her myself if I have to."

Phil's fist made contact with the table making the wood groan on its legs as he straightened his back. "Have you killed anyone before?" His gaze was hard and direct. He didn't miss my eyes slightly widen at the question, as my breath stuttered just the slightest.