Ever Lost

10

"What? So I can pray to gods who've abandoned me?" I scowled. The süseaynüntüt shook her head, "So you can find your faith, sweet child." She held out her hand, "I cannot promise you your hækelülo, but I can offer you solace under the wing of Aurora."

"Fuck that." I said, slapping her hand away, her face soured. "If they wanted me, they'd never have abandoned me." Süseaynüntüt August looked over me remorsefully, "So you hope to find your way back to them through her?"

"I'll do whatever it takes." I snapped. Süseaynüntüt August glared at me, "You seek refuge but you're guided by selfishness. She'll forsake you, you'll be no better than your brother."

I laughed, "I'm nothing like him."

"Yet." She sneered, "Bübyutüt yækoyu wæksayskwerlül bübi." But you will be.

I pierced two diamond earrings through my ears. My hands hovered over the necklace I had picked out, paired with the dress I wore tonight. I looked at myself in the mirror, the locket was fine on it's own, the holy water washed away the rust and left it a clean silver. It wouldn't match with my necklace anyway. I let it stand on its own, looking over at the mirror, untouched since yesterday, it's curtain still hung over it. I felt sick to my stomach, wanted to curl up in my bed but there was no time for that.

Around my neck, held the ornament of one who'd left before her, and the curtain, a reminder of the girl who was gone now too. Was I simply destined to push everyone away? Even my parents, the letters stopped just before my birthday, there was no sign of my mother or father any months afterwards. Who would go next? Victoria? Mason? Emerson? I couldn't handle losing anyone else, I'd bolt them into the floor to keep them from leaving again. No, too rash, but I needed them here. My heart couldn't take much more of this. I hung my curtain over the mirror, dragging myself down to dinner another night.

I spotted a nurse, just before the dining hall, Nurse Hannah. She was so busy greeting students i felt too embarrassed to say anything to her, but I approached her anyway and informed her of Alice's absence. She assured me it'd be handled, the same mess when Stella left. It'll be handled, it'll be taken care of. We'll look for her, rest assured. But they never seemed to put in any effort, I never saw her again. I never saw her again. The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth, so sickening I lost my appetite, returning to my dorm. I shouted for Silas, unafraid of him now. What would he do against my locket? I melded the latch around my throat so he couldn't undo it and shouted for him again, it felt foolish, but the shame left at his knock on the door. I opened it, and he looked at me with a mixture of betrayal and annoyance, "Why have you called?"

"You betrayed my trust, I need payment in return." I demanded. His hate transition into shock at my audacity. "What could you want?" He asked, clearly perplexed. I dragged him into my room, shutting the door behind me, "You'll help me find Stella too. And Alice."

Silas clicked his tongue, "One transgression, one favor."

"If I condense it into one sentence will that satisfy you?"

He gave me a sly grin, "You wouldn't want to know the things that would satisfy me." I suppressed my blush, clearing my throat. "Answer the question."

"Now that you've turned the one task into two, no. You'll have to pick."

"Stella." I blurted, "you'll help me find Stella." He clicked his tongue, "You're sure about that?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I weren't."

He laughed, "I like your attitude, I'll help you, darling, not without a price though."

"No- no price, you mind control me, this is the price you pay." I insisted. Silas stared into me, his expressions themselves were a challenge, but they were much easier to fend of when I had a choice. He took my hand in his and placed a kiss on it, "Whatever you want, dear." I pulled away from him, fighting the urge to gag. "Get out of my room." I said. He complied, strolling out my room, offering me a last wink before he disappeared back to the depths of purgatory where I'm sure he came from.