Good Old Boys

11 - Damage Control

Later that day, a drained and exhausted Will returned to his cottage. He'd had to convince Huck that he truly needed some alone time to process the day's events, especially considering that tomorrow was the first day of the Fall Term. Huck would have spent the whole evening enjoying some part of Will's anatomy. And as delightful an evening as that would have been, Will had to go over things which called for a clear head, and not someone's red-headed dick head. Or insatiable ass.

He turned on his phone, to find no new cryptic messages from the unknown cyberpsycho. There was a message from The Beef, that read simply: "Watch this. Call Me." It was a video clip from Italy's RAI News 24, dated today at 12 noon.

A very handsome reporter appeared. The byline on the screen read: "Pietro La Roca Kills Self After Clandestine Homosexual Affairs Revealed." There were also several photos of La Roca 'in the company of' various ragazzi. Will scrolled further, and found messages from Italian reporters, Italian Police and one from a woman he supposed was La Roca's wife or mother. He called Chuck's private line, a cell phone not even Chuck's mother knew about.

"Hello, look no further. You've found the Beef!" chirped his frenemy.

"Am I responsible for La Roca's death? Chuck, what am I gonna do?"

"Let me go somewhere private!" he responded.

"I'm not one of your online pickups!"

"My mother is in the room," he whispers, "and right now you are her numero uno persona non grata! (His hand then covered the receiver) NO, Ma! It's Taylor Swift – she wants me to have dinner with her next month!" A minute passed, and Will hears NYC traffic in the background, which means Chuck's on their 26th floor balcony overlooking Central Park.

"Have you found this cyber asshole yet? Someone has killed himself because of this nut's need to hurt you! My mother blames you, of course."

Will replays that night's disastrous conversations in his head. "I said nothing attacking him, or the way he lived his life. He must have been carrying a guilt so crushing that he just couldn't bear it anymore. I guess I was just the catalyst that set him off."

"No, Chicky baby. It was whoever sent him that message, pretending to be you! Don't you forget that!"

"Thanks. I've got all these Italian reporters waiting for a return call from me. What should I do?" Will hated reporters. When his father remarried so soon after his mother's death, he'd had to be escorted to and from school for months.

"Don't reply to any of them! Don't talk, don't say nasty things. Try to politely ignore them. And get yourself a lawyer. You may need one, after what La Roca did in his new will."

"What? What the hell, Beef? I know fuck-all about that! What did he do?"

"He left half of his wealth to some religious group located in Boxton, Mississippi. That's your current stomping grounds, isn't it? Life just got more interesting for you, Chicken Little – and not in a good way. Look – I'm not doing anything important at the moment. Would you like some backup, you know, moral support? I can be there faster than Tom Cruise can deny he's really a Bottom Gun!

"You're the best after me, Beef boy, but there's so much tail to chase around here you'd be too busy thinking about all the pants you could get into to be of much help to me. Let's see if things cool down in a few weeks. Besides, it's dangerous."

"I'll see you in two weeks, then. Don't quibble, Sybil! I'll call when I arrive."

As soon as he put down the phone, there was a knock on his door. Carter stood there, looking grim-faced.

"What's up? Run out of lube?" he jokingly said. Carter stepped aside, revealing Headmaster Lee wearing civilian attire and a very stern face.

"No, Mr. Poulet, they have not. I, however, have begun to run out of patience. Thank you for allowing me to wait in your home, Carter. You and Grant may pick up where you left off. Might I suggest a hit of amyl nitrate might help you accommodate that new toy?" Carter's face turned several shades of red before he bid us good night and left.

"In the South, Mr. Poulet, it is considered polite to invite your guests inside promptly, rather than keep them standing in the cold."

He sat down in the padded chair, while I sat on the sofa. I offered him a shot of Moonshine, which of course he accepted. I had one as well, to steel me against what I knew was coming.

"I'll get right to the point. It's late, I'm tired, and tomorrow is going to be one of the worst days of this year, thanks to Eli Hamilton's suicide and in no small part to your international incident with a Signior Pietro La Roca and your well-known, published diatribes supporting throwing open closet doors and letting our private entertainments be public."

"I'm sorry, Mister Lee..."

"You are to address me as General Headmaster Lee! Is that understood?"

"General Headmaster Le, Eli was mur..."

"IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?" said Lee. Every vein was standing out on his forehead and face. Will, a young man not easily intimidated, snapped to attention.

"Sir, Yes Sir! Understood, Sir!" It took him a moment to regain his senses. "I don't believe Eli committed suicide, Sir! I think he was..."

"Mistuh Poulet, I do not care what you believe. You work for Boxton Military Academy, and Boxton Military Academy's position on the late Eli Hamilton's tragic death is that he committed suicide. Boxton's position is your position. You say what I tell you to, jump when I say jump, kiss someone's ass if I tell you to, and shut up if I demand it. I suggest that if you wish to continue working as a teacher here – or anywhere at all – you get used to that. Do I make myself clear, Mistuh Poulet?"

It took all of his willpower to keep his outrage at bay as Will replied, "Suh, Yes Suh!"

"Do not mock my accent again. Ah have arranged for the Academy's lawyer to handle your little Eye-talian fiasco. You, suh, will not talk to any reporters. You will not say anything to the students about Eli Hamilton or push your 'enlightened' agenda regarding manly games of the flesh on them. Leave that to the Seeds of Priapus and the dark."

Lee waited for Will to open the door for him. Will was about to close it when Lee turned.

"I almost forgot. I have been asked by the Avatar of Priapus to extend his personal invitation to you to join our brotherhood in the glorious release of his blessings. I tried to convince him that, although you have shown promise, you also may pose a threat to our convictions and celebrations. But he is the Avatar, his will is not to be denied. Leave your answer with one of his acolytes."

It took another shot of Moonshine before Will was able to fall into a troubled sleep.