burning for you - rengoku k.

three.

I had a long, dreamless sleep. When I woke up, I tried to convince myself that the previous day was nothing but an unimaginable nightmare. But as I opened my eyes and recognized my surroundings I knew that what I experienced was all true.

I sat up, I felt weak, stinky and hungry. I was well aware of what happened to me, what happened to my mum, but somehow I couldn't really process it. I couldn't believe that I will never see my mother's smile again.

Hayate entered the house with a package in his hand.

"I went to your house to bring you clothes" he stated. "You can go there too, if you want, but give it a couple days, okay?"

"Can I have a bath?" I asked sheepishly. I felt dirty.

"Of course" he smiled. "I will prepare the water for you, Kagemi-chan"

While he left to the bathroom, I inspected the package. I chose a lighter purple kimono, it had no print on it. The clothes smelled like home, the scent brought a painful ache in my heart. I couldn't cry, I was quiet but I wished I could let all the loss out through screams and tears.

"The water is ready" Hayate said. I nodded and I quietly stood up to go to the bathroom.

It was a small space, above the sink I noticed a mirror. Hayate placed a stool next to the bathtub to help me get into the tub more easily. I grabbed the stool and placed it to the sink so I could stand up and inspect myself in the mirror.

My face reflected no change. I had the same features, maybe my skin was slightly more pale. The hairpin still secured my long hair, only a few strands were loose around my face. I removed the hairpin and I let my hair fall on my shoulders. I gasped, my eyes widened at the sight. My once black hair had a few white locks in it.

Did the demon do anything? I questioned. No, it barely touched me. I sighed. I didn't want to put more thought in it. I took off Hayate's haori then I climbed into the bathtub. There was a soapbar, I used it to go through my whole body. I wish I could wash off the bad memories, but no matter how hard I rubbed the soap against my skin, the images of the demon, and the pool of my mother's blood kept invading my brain.

Will I ever forget?

I leaned back, trying to relax in the warm water.

I want to be strong.
I don't want to feel helpless again.
I want to be able to protect myself.
And...
I want to protect other children from the horrors I saw...

I looked down on my small hands. Those hands were weak. I imagined my hands being strong, holding a katana.

The water started getting cool, so I got out of the bathtub. I dressed up in the kimono, my hair was still wet, I decided to keep it untied.

While I was dressing up, I tried to come up with reasons for Hayate to train me. No useful idea came to my mind, so I simply decided to be persistent.

I left the bathroom, Hayate was making breakfast.

He served me the food and I started eating mindlessly. I still wasn't hungry, but at least I wasn't feeling sick to the stomach either, so I forced down every bite. I need to be strong.

"We will find you a family that can adopt you" Hayate simply stated. "But we need a couple more days"

I looked up at him and violently shook my head. "No" I exclaimed. "A family can't protect me. A family can't train me. You can"

Hayate sighed. "Kagemi-chan I already told you. I can't teach you"

"Why not?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

He kneeled in front of me. "Kagemi-chan it is not as simple as you think. I have missions to go to and to teach you, I need to officially request it as it would be my duty to train a new soldier. But if I decided to do that..." he paused, deeply looking into my eyes. "...the demon slayer life is not what you think it is"

"You are strong. You killed that demon" I argued stubbornly.

"That was a really weak demon, Kagemi-chan. There are way stronger ones, that even the strongest demon slayers, the Hashiras can't defeat. You better move to a city where it is more safe, to a nice family and have a peaceful, happy, long life"

"A demon already attacked me once." I said. "It can happen again. And maybe the next time there wouldn't be a demon slayer nearby"

"It is possible" he nodded. "But, being a demon slayer means that you have to face demons. You have to fight them. And there is a bigger chance that you die by the hands of a demon while fighting them than being caught again"

"Hayate-san, you think that I am stupid just because I am a child?" I asked bitterly.

"No, I don't think you are stupid, Kagemi-chan"

"Then please understand that I truly want this" I exclaimed, once again. "I understand what you said. But please, teach me. I'd rather die fighting, knowing that I did what I could than feeling helpless and waiting for death to happen again"

Hayate closed his eyes, massaging the bridge of his nose.

"If you don't want to train me, then send me to someone who can train me"

"You will not give up, will you?"

"No" I shook my head.

"Fine" he sighed. "If my request will be accepted, then I will train you"

"REALLY? THANK YOU, HAYATE-SAN" I shouted and I wrapped my arms around his neck. It wasn't my intention to give up easily, but I was still surprised and happy that he would agree to train me.

"Okay, okay" he patted my back. "But prepare yourself, Kagemi-chan" he warned. "I will not go easy on you"