Nobody Knows Your Secret

47

Humpty Eldon's mama, Hazel, insisted that Humpty lay her to rest among the lovely stones that decorated MemorialGardens. Humpty had wanted to put Mama in the backyard by the chicken coop and pig sty. He liked to keep the fertilizers all in one area of the farm, but Mama wouldn't hear of it. She pitched a fit.

"I done done without all my life, Humpty Eldon," Mama Eldon said. "I don't mean to linger in the Hereafter knowing I'se planted out there in the hog pen."

"But Mama, I ain't plantin' you in the pen. Just along side it," Humpty said.

But Mama Eldon would not listen to reason.

"Naw, suh. Uh-huh. I want me some finery to look up at as I lie on my backside for however long the Earth lasts. You hear me? The sky is nice, but I want something good and nice to read while I while away in that pine box I done bought 'n' paid for with the egg money."

A broad smile flashed across Mama Eldon's face, and her eyes grew misty just at the thought it.

"A nice big stone, Humpty. You hear me. Don't you dare scrimp. I mean it. If you do, I will know it. And I will haunt you, Humpty Eldon. From the grave and beyond. I will. I mean it. I want something nice to mark me when I go out so's when folks come visitin' they'll know I was somebody special."

The day of Mama Eldon's passing came. Humpty made sure that she was buried in grand style. The only problem was that when it came time to pay it for all, the grand burial was a little more expensive than Humpty had budgeted for.

Humpty's savings were quickly depleted. But Mama Eldon's words burned in his brain like Lady Liberty's torch. 

And he was scared. 

Mama Eldon was a strong-willed woman. If anybody could come back and torment a son's soul, it would be Mama Eldon. Strapped for cash, he still ordered the biggest stone available. 

Humpty would do anything to keep his mama happy and in the ground where she belonged. 

The marker would be delivered two weeks after Mama Eldon's burial.

It was a fine stone, the largest in the cemetery. But even with the deep discount from the Memorial Gardens CEO, Humpty could afford only a short engraving.

That was why Mama Eldon's great big old stone was engraved with only her initials.

HE for Hazel Eldon.

Not even periods to separate them.

Humpty couldn't afford them.

Forever and ever and for as long as the Earth lasted, Mama Eldon would lay in her earthen bed looking up and watching the birds fly over, the clouds float by, the occasional flash of lightning, feel the raindrops and read HE, and HE only.

One little word. 

HE.

And Mama Eldon was a she. 

The irony must have been incredible to Mama Eldon as she lay there. 

HE. 

 Not even HE HE HE. 

Just HE. 

Two solitary letters etched onto a mesa of polished stone as large as the Grand Canyon. Humpty prayed that because he had not planted her by the hog pen or near the chicken coop, Mama was satisfied. She had her stone, but little else.

Humpty could only hope that for Mama – being stoned was enough.

Nothing to read and while away the time as you watched the clouds pass overhead and the stars pop out in their mantle of infinite darkness. 

Nothing to read but HE. 

But Mama never read while she was alive. Still, that was all the old lady talked about during her last months on earth. Why had Mama gotten some ridiculous notion like reading stuck in her craw?

Humpty broke a sweat remembering the steely look in his mother's eyes when she talked about her final resting place. Haunting. Haints. Spirits. Ghosts. Bad omens and a mother's curse upon the rest of her son's mortal days. 

Humpty shivered.

He took his mother's threats seriously. That's why he only dared visit her grave once a year. His nerves couldn't stand any more face time with HE than that.

And today was the day he would have to visit. Another year had already passed. You would think that Time would not fly by so quickly. It was cruel. It was wicked. Humpty had done the best he could. But he knew in his heart he had let Mama Eldon down. Now, it was time to face the old lady and hope her wrath had cooled.

As he drove to the cemetery, the butterflies took off in his stomach. His shirt was ringed with sweat stains. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Mama was going to haunt him for sure if it was the last thing she ever did. 

Humpty could feel it in his bones.

Humpty saw her in his mind as he stood in front of the massive stone and laid a single red rose down on its pedestal. He wanted to scream that HE was all he could afford!

Wasn't the massive headstone enough?

It was as big as a semi. In a graveyard full of massive rocks, Mama's stone stood out like a skyscraper in a backyard full of outhouses. 

But Humpty knew Mama, and he knew she was ticked. She was on a slow burn, Humpty imagined. Hers was an anger beyond reason. Humpty's empty pocketbook had made her the laughing stock of all her neighbors in the graveyard.