♡ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜱᴀʏ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ♡

2 5

I did pass out at school, though. It must have been 'protocol' or whatever, but still, I felt fine.

Well, not really. My head was spinning and my brain was throbbing against the inside of my skull, my stomach twisting into knots.

'Fine' was a lie I had been telling myself for years, and I had grown to believe it. This instance, even though I was being wheeled into a hospital, was an example of that.

I couldn't remember what happened in those few minutes I was wheeled around the hospital into a room, but I do know that once the nurses left, I stayed laying down, staring at the ceiling above me.

The first thing I noticed was just how tired I was. Whether it was because of low blood sugar or lack of sleep, I didn't know, but it didn't matter. Now that I was laying down, I just wanted to sleep.

But I couldn't. My mind wouldn't stop running with random thoughts that kept me awake.

Imagine all the schoolwork I'm gonna have to make up.

I just want to go to sleep.

Do the boys know I'm here? Surely they called Darry.

Why did they just leave me here?

I hope he gets you pregnant, you dumb broad.

My throat closes up at that thought. The voice that spoke those words is a voice that I had forgotten about, even for just a few hours.

Suddenly, I thought of Johnny. He would've helped me forget, eased my mind.

I remembered our kiss. Was it just the result of teenage angst or did we really like each other?

I hoped it would be the latter.

It was all too much to think about right then. It hurt my already throbbing head, and again, I wanted to cry.

I held it in, though. I held it in for people that weren't even there. I could've broken down in tears right then and there and nobody would've known. But I didn't. I was afraid of crying, and I didn't know why.

And because of that, I wanted to cry.

~

In the next few minutes, though it felt like hours, nurses came in and out of my room, giving me medicine, asking me questions, occasionally shaking their heads when receiving my answers.

"How long has it been since you've eaten?" One of them that looked particularly young, with blonde hair and big brown eyes, asked.

"This morning," I replied for what seemed like the fifth time that day.

"And what did you eat?" She said as she began to write something on her clipboard.

"A banana." I replied again, trying to control my tone. I was trying to not be rude, but at the moment, I was really irritable and being asked the same question five times within an hour tended to get me riled up.

She stopped writing and peered at me from the top of her clipboard. "Just the banana?"

I sighed silently. "Yes. Just the banana."

"And before that?"

By this point, I had thought about it enough to remember. "Sunday morning, pancakes." I suddenly remembered the bakery. Even though my stomach twisted into knots thinking about that morning, I continued. "And an apple pie cinnamon roll."

"Ah," she said as she continued writing, "LeBlanc Bakery?"

To be honest, her question eased me. Unlike the other nurses—uptight and strictly business—she seemed more friendly, laid back, and welcoming. I looked at her. "How'd you know?"

She shrugged. "I go there on occasions." She continued writing. "You know the LeBlanc's real well?"

"Yeah," I replied, "I'm friends with Cassie."

She creased her eyebrows, as if thinking. She suddenly looked at me and bit the end of her pencil, then glanced back at her clipboard. "Caroline Curtis..." suddenly, her eyes lit up. "Yes! You're Cary, right?"

I smiled somewhat uncomfortably. How did she know me, much less my nickname? "Yeah, that's me."

She smiled. "I've got a little brother, Nathan." She looked at her clipboard again, but didn't write anything. "Nathan Brown."

I remembered Nathan telling me about a sister he had that night at the drive-in. I just don't like it when girls are treated like that. I just think, 'what if that was my sister?'

"Yeah, I know Nathan," I replied, smiling, "he's a good kid."

"He told me about you," she said, looking me up and down, "as he should, too. You sure are pretty."

I blushed. Except for Cassie and occasionally Sandy, girls rarely complimented me. When they did, they certainly weren't Socs.

"Thanks." I looked back at her. "You are too." Thinking about it, I could see the resemblance between the two. Same eyes, same nose, and similar hair: even though most of it was tucked underneath her cap, I could see small streaks of red in it. Nathan had a bit more red than she did, sort of like Pony did me.

She had the same demeanor as Nathan as well: kind, patient, un-judging—she was anything but your typical Soc.

After a few moments of silence, she piped up again, her tone serious. "You haven't eaten since Sunday, huh?"

I shook my head. "Not really. Except for that banana."

She shook her head. "Doesn't really count. Even though bananas are good for you, they don't have all the nutrients you need, like protein." She paused. "Especially after not eating for two days."

I looked down the front of my bed. While I knew that Jonathan was mostly to blame for my loss of appetite, there was still that nagging voice that wouldn't go away. You should have just walked away. All of this would have been avoided.

I then realized again just how much my head was hurting. The pain meds the nurses gave me hadn't kicked in yet. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my eyes, moving my fingers along my eye bones while I pushed down. I also couldn't help but feel abnormally exhausted, even more so than when I first got here.

"Did they not give you anything?" Her voice was gentle and forgiving, yet stern. I found comfort in it.

I nodded. "It's not working." Frustrated, I reached towards my skirt pocket to retrieve the pills from Two-Bit, but then remembered I had been switched into a hospital gown, my pills whisked away somewhere unknown. "I had these pills—" I said, the pain catching my voice in the back of my throat.

"Methysergide, yes," she said, flipping through the papers on the clipboard, "you said you've been taking that at home?"

I nodded.

"It's been working, correct?"

I nodded again.

"And it's not now?"

I shook my head, but quickly stopped as the pain grew worse. I grimaced as what felt like a cramp in the back of my head made my draw it back and onto the pillow behind me.

She was standing at the foot of the bed, her eyes scanning furiously around the page she was looking at, her eyebrows rising and falling with confusion. She mumbled something to herself before walking towards the door. "I'll be back. Sit tight."

And with that, she was gone, leaving me alone in the silent room to wallow in my own pain and thoughts.

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