"You're salty about it."
"You're covered in scars because of me."
"I don't care."
"I do."
"You care too much."
"You care too little."
"Because I don't have time to cry about everything."
I just stared.
She paused, face softening. "Fucking hell." She ran a hand through her blonde hair.
There was a knock on the door. I stood up, but of course, Ivan was there to take it before I could. I didn't even know how it felt like to open the door for someone anymore.
He came back with the food. I brought some plates for her. "I'll be in my room."
"Livy - wait-"
I closed the door as I entered my room. "I'll be out in half an hour. I just need to calm down." I didn't want to cry in front of her. And Ivan.
"Oh...okay. I'm sorry."
"Okay."
I slid down, sitting on the ground. I don't have time to cry about everything.
I wish I had a handle on my emotions as she did. But I didn't. I felt too much.
Weak.
That word came into my mind again. I wasn't surprised. I had a whole cycle of self-loathing now. I had lost count of how many times I had wanted to call one of them mid-sobs. But I wanted them to move on. And hearing me cry wasn't going to allow that.
They deserved so much. Especially after all the shitty things that had happened to them. I wasn't blind anymore. I knew they weren't good people. But I just couldn't care about that.
I wiped the tear from the side of my face, wondering when I became this sensitive. I had gone numb after dad was thrown into prison. Eventually, I got my emotions back. But this time they were too much.
As if I had been repressing things. Maybe I had.
Getting bullied was awful. Shaking while leaving your house, lowering your head when you walk in the hallways, almost running out of the school as soon as it was done...it was awful.
And three of the people who made it hell...had been with them.
They were the beautiful, mean girls of my school. I couldn't even blame the Creeds for wanting them, even for just one night.
They looked different than me. All of them were tall and confident. I could imagine them liking confident women.
I squeezed my eyes shut as the videos flashed in my mind again.
It doesn't matter anymore. They aren't yours anymore.
They weren't.
But I was sure I'd always be theirs.
. . .
Alisa and I eventually ended up talking normally, as we used to do back when she was Georgie.
"Break up," she muttered. "I honestly never thought they'd let you go."
"You're the third person to say something like that."
"Good to know you have smart people around you." She took a sip of the flavored vodka we had and made a face. "What shit is this?"
"Vodka."
"That's a lie."
"It literally is vodka. It's just.. flavored. Raspberries."
60 - Masterpieces
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