Nothing Good Gets Away

Chapter 27

ROWAN BASS

Tucked away in the corner of my couch, I have my new recipe book in my lap, and my old one propped open on the cushion beside me. It's pouring out, which is nice, and also the reason that Sam Cook is playing from my turntable next to the TV and credenza.

I try to get comfortable in my position, but I keep straightening and then bending my legs under my throw blanket. I tuck a pillow behind my back and then rip it away. I slouch and then straighten my posture. I can't breathe normally.

"What?" I snap as I realize Scout is staring right at me. He's judging. "He kissed me, okay? I didn't do anything wrong! I already went over there and apologized, and he clearly agreed to just be my friend, which confirms that the whole thing was just a mistake. So stop looking at me like that."

I watch with wide eyes as Scout simply gets up, walks over to the entryway, and lays down with his back against the door. If he had to go to the bathroom, he would have been standing and he would have barked a few times.

"Great, you don't wanna be with me either?" I scoff. "That's fantastic. Maybe Harry will let you into the club, and you two can make out, and then he can reject you too. How does that sound?"

Scout's eyes are closed like he's not even listening to my pathetic ranting anymore, and I don't blame him. He's only had to hear it for the last three days straight because that's how long it's been since New Year's. Harry hasn't texted, or called, and he sure as hell hasn't shown up at my door.

Obviously, communication works both ways, but I already went knocking on his door to apologize right after it happened. The difference is that I'm not sorry. That kiss was the best one I've ever had in my life, and it made me feel things that I wasn't even sure I was capable of feeling before.

But did he seriously not feel it too? Did he just see the opportunity to kiss a girl, and then realize, "Oh, shit, this is my friend, I can't be kissing her"? Was he just feeling lonely without a New Year's kiss? Was I just feeling lonely without a New Year's kiss?

I groan loudly and slap my recipe book closed, tossing it to the side as I scramble to lay down with the throw blanket over my head. I'm so embarrassed. I am mortified at the way I touched him, and the sounds I remember making. It's no wonder he stopped first. He was probably thinking that I'm a freak and he needed to get out of the situation while he still had the chance.

Or maybe...maybe he realized that the kissing was escalating, and he remembered that I'm a virgin. That's it! He remembered that I'm a virgin, and he knew that he wasn't the stupid "right guy" to take it away from me. As my best friend, he cares about me enough to not do something that he knows will only hurt me in the long run, because he doesn't actually feel that way about me at all.

"Oh God," I whine in both discomfort and shame, physically cringing with my hands over my face as I picture those thoughts running through his head. At some point, he must have thought: I don't want to have sex with her.

And as much as I tried to laugh it off and remind him that we're just friends, this situation changes everything. No longer do I have to wonder how he feels about me. He confirmed to me that there's nothing more between us when he didn't argue and say that he wants to be more than that with me. So now what am I supposed–

My head whips up at the sound of my phone vibrating beside my old recipe book. I frantically get the blanket off of my head and flip the device over, thinking it's Harry calling to ask if I want to spend the rainy day with him, but it's just a random phone number instead.

My pout returns as I swipe at the screen to answer. "Hello?"

"Hey, Rowan," a man speaks, "This is Carson Casey...from your family's Christmas Eve party?"