STAMP OF APPROVAL - a selection story

"you're asking me if i love her"

"Wyn, I'm sorry, I—"

She shakes her head. "You don't have to say anything. You don't have to explain." She tries to pull away from my grip, but I don't let her. I gently coax her to stay where she is, and to prove to her further that I want her here, my hand cups her cheek. Her gaze finds mine in lightning time.

"I realize even more now how Levi feels," I mutter, more to myself than to her. Her brows raise, but she says nothing. "Wynnie, I just... I'm terrified."

Her expression softens.

"But not for the reason you think," I say quickly, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. Thoughts swim around in my head, and I wish with all my might that I wasn't exhausted. That I could properly communicate what it is exactly that I feel for the woman in front of me. Because I want to express it all, right now, but doubt swims around with the thoughts. Too much doubt. "I'm terrified because I feel so much for you, and I... I'm not sure what to do about it."

"Feel what?" she hedges.

I swallow, my Adam's apple jerking. "The overwhelming need to kiss you back," I whisper.

Her smile resumes. "I feel strongly about that too."

My smile matches hers. Both of my hands clutch her face. But doubt clutches my face too. And screams at me to say that I'm not worth it. I shouldn't be worth it, not to her. Not to Wynnie. It screams and screams, as it has throughout my entire life. My parents, my brothers, every person in my life showed and told me that I'm not worth it. It's why I left home. It's why I ran from everyone. It's why I tried to kill myself the day I finally told myself that I wasn't worth it. I figured if everyone else was saying it, why shouldn't I?

And when I had slowly begun to bleed out, I realized they had been right all along.

But as Wynnie's hands rest on my chest, pulling herself closer, do I remember that I'm not that man anymore. The one wishing and wishing I had my parents' love. The one who buried anything I ever felt as a punishment for not earning their love. Her hands travel up further so they rest on the back of my neck, and I remember again that I do have people who have told me I'm worth it. My mentor, Charlotte, Levi... and now, Wynnie.

And as I lean forward, initiating our second kiss, this time with no thought of pulling away out of fear, do I remember that throughout this entire Selection, ever since I met Wynnie, she's showed me constantly I was worth it. And it's as if, through this kiss, I tell her I'm okay with it.

june 21st
[ 10:12 AM ]
LEVI

"Levi, get out of here. You're gonna miss your flight." Abri pushes at me, but I don't yet release her from the hug. She lets out a groan, then concedes, letting me continue to hug her without fighting me. I know I'm delaying the inevitable, but letting go means I have to leave, and it's better to just hold onto her for just a little while longer.

Because I know, it's only a matter of weeks before something changes. And if holding Abri right now means that things are still the same, I don't want to let go. Not yet. Not when there could be hurt waiting for me back at the castle.

Because my heart's in it now.

"Okay, okay." Abri pushes at me again. "It's time for you to go. I'll miss you too, big bro." She reaches up on her tiptoes and plants a kiss on my cheek, then quickly wipes it off. "Now there's no evidence that I'm going to miss you."

I poke her ribs, releasing her from the hug. "You just keep telling yourself that."

She smirks, stuffing her hands into her pockets. "Go, go on. Charlotte's waiting." Her grin widens, and she shoves me toward the car. "Tell her hi for me, and thanks for getting the house back all to myself."