Fly High, Butterfly || Kim Taehyung ✓

Like a butterfly

"Do you still see him, Mimi?" My psychiatrist, Dr. Han asks me. I bite my lips and shake my head. " I just see him sometimes. Rarely."

She nods and writes it down on her notepad. "You are healing, Mimi. You will stop seeing him soon." She states and my eyes widen.

"Really?"

She nods but my heart squeezes at the thought. Will I really stop seeing him?

---------------------

I stroll on the sidewalk of the road, gripping the strap of my backpack. The line of cherry blossom trees on either side of the road, the blues of the sky was now dark with clouds floating, the moon engulfed by the clouds at times.

The weather is neither too hot nor too cold, as the light breeze gently hits your skin but won't make you shiver. Spring is coming. A new cycle of the season. But I am still holding onto my past hardships.

I sigh and search for my phone while standing on the sidewalk, as nobody was walking past neither were any cars around. In a way, kind of quiet. You could hear the city but it was like it was further away.

As I was checking my pockets, I feel a presence behind me. Thinking that it was probably someone to disturb me, I whip around to go into full cursing mode but then my eyes lock with the person and he was Taehyung.

My imaginary friend.

His hair looks messy, fluffy, and slightly damp. The length was long and the color is light blonde. His face was perfect like always. Sharp facial features and ocean-like brown eyes. He was wearing a purple woolen sweater without buttons and plain Jeans.

I must have had a horrifying face because as soon as we lock eyes he immediately turns around to walk away. "Taehyung!!" I scream and he instantly halts on his steps. He slowly turns back around with his lips curved upwards, flashing his warm smile at me.

I instinctively run to him while screaming and lunging at him. While he embraces me in his strong arms. Since he was tall when I hug him my arms wrap around his waist and my head buries into his chest. He rests his chin on the crown of my head. I definitely felt small enveloped by him.

Taehyung: a result of my schizophrenia who gives me euphoria with his presence. The presence that is only seen and felt by me.

He hugs and spins me around once before setting me down on the pavement. I look up at him and just smile from ear to ear. He beams at me and then hugs me again and I wrap my arms around his waist even more tightly.

"Taehyung, Dr. Han said I won't see you-"

"Shh. . . Don't say anything. I know. Don't think of anything. Just give me a smile." He voices and I try to get back to my senses as my brain was trained by Mrs. Han to stop seeing him. I have seen him after 3 months. I am healing but I don't want him to disappear. "Is it true?" He asks and I look at him.

"You?" I ask and he nods. "She said that it is all in my head. It's untrue. I'm scared that I'll lose you. I want you to stay by my side, please promise me that you will." I whisper in a low voice but he stays silent.

Taehyung smelt clean, like fresh laundry. It was a faint soapy smell. His warmth gave me comfort. And, I think I love him more, more than I ever have.

I wish I could bottle this moment and wear it as perfume. It would always be with me. Everywhere I went, he'd be there too, and so I would always feel like myself. I wish the time could stop so that I don't lose him when this moment passes.

My head was hanging down so he couldn't see my eyes so I start asking questions to try and gather myself. I then look up at him with eyes filled with tears, but I blink them away before they fall.

He looks at me and leans down a little and softly says, "Please don't cry, Mimi. Your father's death and your mother abandoning you was never your fault. You are not a curse." A tear slips out of my eyes at his honey soft tone reverberating through my ear.

I press my face into his neck and try to not cry but it was too late. "I'm sorry," my voice comes out as a whisper. I steal glances down; if we touch hands, will I lose him?

He replies, "It's okay, you can cry, Mimi, cry now. Just please don't cry when I'm gone." That is when I realize that this is what Dr. Han had mentioned earlier. I might not see him again. He holds me tightly while I shake, tremble, and sob like a kid who was lost in a crowd.

The crowd was full of strangers but then the kid met this person who said to her that he will bring her back to her mother. The 'mother' in this context was my happiness, the 'kid' was me and Taehyung was the person who promised to bring me back my happiness.

My entire heart dissolved in my chest. Because to be loved by him is to be cherished and protected unconditionally, and in a world like ours, it is a gift. One I knew I needed but can't imagine living without.

Taehyung pulls back and stares at me, holding my hands. He was shining in this pitch darkness like The butterfly effect. His light touches like a wind stroking me gently and the dust that was drifting along, making me forget reality.

I look down and frown at him still holding my hands but I don't feel him anymore. "Stop!" I shriek. He smiles softly at me. "I am like a dream which is like a butterfly to you, Mimi. You created me. Now you will destroy me."

I don't know if this is reality or a dream. "This is a real dream, Mimi. My heart is still shattering on you. I just wanted to vaporize like this. My love that is forever. It's all free for you, baby. I was always in your mind but now I'll remain in your heart."

I look down at our hands. "If I let go of your hand, you'll fly away and break. Just like a butterfly." I mumble, tears, rolling down my face. I hear him chuckling and look up at him smiling at me. "It's time to let me go and move on, Mimi. You need to live your thriving life now. Fly high, Butterfly."

That's when my eyes shoot open. I gasp in the middle of the sidewalk with my face soaked with tears, at midnight, for a man who doesn't exist but who loves me so dearly. I look at the cherry blossoms floating with the wind and falling to the ground.

"Spring is here. I don't want to live in my past anymore. I want to bloom."