To Love *The Maze Runner/Newt Fanfic*

Chapter 37

I bowed my head, "Love?" I asked, wondering why he was speaking about his love for Amelia in a present term. I don't want to hear that. Why would he bring this conversation there?

"I loved her," That's better, "We would kiss and whisper secrets to each other; secrets that I'd never tell anyone else. It's scary how close you can be to someone and still hate them, yet love them with all of your heart."

"Why am I here, Newt?" I asked, fed up with his story.

"What?"

"Why am I here, if you're just going to talk about how much you love Amelia? Do you not realize how crazy you're being? I thought you loved me."

"I do-"

"You just said you loved Amelia, did you not?"

"I-"

I cut Newt off, "I'll be back in a little while, okay? Don't do anything stupid when I leave. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed and I need a break," I stood from my chair, and quickly walked out of the room, just in time too, because the tears started falling from my eyes, only seconds after I left.

In the back of my mind, I immediately feel bad for snapping at Newt. He's going through a lot and I need to be there for him. He has serious issues that need my full undivided attention. And I know this.

But I can't believe he would talk to me about how great and tragic his past relationship was? How could he look me in the eyes and say that he wouldn't tell me the things he told Amelia? After everything I've done for him. Really?

I sat in the same freaking chair for five days. I refused to leave his side. I basically starved myself, that's how sad I was. I put my life on pause for him. I went through many sleepless nights, because I was scared that if I slept, I'd wake up too late and he'd be gone. I spent hours and hours helping him analyze his emotions and depressive feelings. I risked my reputation by lying about what Newt did to himself in the maze. I've done so much for him.

I truly love him.

And now here I am looking like a lost puppy, as I step out into the open air for the first time in almost a week.

I can barely walk ten feet without feeling like I'm going to pass out. But here I am running away from my problems again.

I take a quick glance up at the window to the Medjack's room: seeing Newt already looking down at me. His face seemed void of emotion, but his eyes were another story. Even from here I could tell that once again he was silently begging me to come back up stairs.

But I shook my head, yet another time. And briskly turned around and began walking away from him.

Where was I going?

I have no idea.

I feel like this happens too often here, I never know where I'm going when I'm looking for an escape. But I do know, that I somehow always end up where I'm meant to be. And I think that's the beautiful thing about leaving someplace in the past; there's always somewhere else to go, even if you don't know where that place is yet. You just have to embrace the change. For the world is never as big or as small as you think it is.

So I stumble on, the fading sunlight causing me to feel lightheaded. I let the remaining tears on my face stain my blushed cheeks, not caring about the stares I was receiving.

Literally every single person I passed by stared at me. Nobody said anything though. Maybe nobody knew what to say. That seems reasonable enough, crying is overwhelming to happy people, sometimes.