To Love *The Maze Runner/Newt Fanfic*

Chapter 37

I could tell Newt was trying to have a silent, private conversation with me. Judging by the face he was making, it was as though he were asking, "Did you know about this?" And I hesitated at first but then I shook my head slowly, tears gathering in my eyes. I closed them just as I saw Newt begin to cry. Even though my answer was no, in that millisecond of hesitation, he found his answer. I'd known.

I didn't know that Amelia had died, though. I thought it was only Nick.

"Can we have some time alone?" I asked, my voice oddly steady for the current mood floating around the room.

Without saying anything, Minho and Alby both left, pulling the door shut behind them.

"Newt, I had no idea-" I quickly spit out.

"Stop," He said, with little patience.

"I'm sorry," I quietly responded, not wanting to add fuel to Newt's fire.

He didn't say anything for a while and the silence was killing me. I could only hear my own heart beating and the faint sound of a hammer banging against something far in the distance.

"You kept this from me."

"I didn't mean to. I'd only heard about Nick's death last night. I never meant to keep it a secret," I babbled.

"You didn't tell me, because you knew how it would make me feel. You knew it'd make me feel guilty, didn't you?"

"Yes, but-"

"You were right, as always," Newt muttered, with a certain anger laced in his words, "I just never thought I'd cry the day I heard that Amelia had died," Newt sighed, "I hated her, but I'd been foolish and loved her at some point in that relationship."

"It's okay to cry," I quietly reassured.

"She told me to kill myself. That's where this all started. I mean, I'm not going to push the blame around, but that's how the idea of death came to my mind; she told me on the night that we broke up that I should die and that nobody would care if I did," Newt sniffled, "I never told anyone about what she did to me. I let people think I was crazy. That I'd officially jumped off the deep end. Acted like I'd been stung by a griever. That's what everyone said."

I remained silent, not wanting to disturb Newt's story. This was good, he needed to get everything out. God only knows how long these emotions have been bottled up. I quietly moved to the empty chair next to Newt's bed, and sat in it.

"She despised me. And emotionally abused me. And these people thought I was the crazy one," Newt shook his head, tears rolling down his cheeks, "And now she's gone and I can't help but feel sorry for leaving her."

I swallowed the built up saliva that had been accumulating in my mouth, but was a bit panicked when I felt like I couldn't.

"I'm not even the one who broke us apart and I'm sorry. She screwed me over and I'm bloody sorry about it. I just can't help thinking that if maybe, just maybe I hadn't made such a big stink about letting her sit on my lap, things would be different. I wouldn't be here. She wouldn't be dead. The thought of the things that could've been prevented, scares me."

"But think of it this way; if you and Amelia had never broken up, we never would have gotten together," I gave him a weak smile. Hearing these words hurt me.

Don't think about yourself, Brianne. He's sad and doesn't understand that he's hurting you with what he's saying.

Let it go. He loves you.

"But she would be alive, if I hadn't tried to commit suicide. And if I hadn't been so buggin' stupid, Amelia and I would have never broken up, and she wouldn't have told me to die. And then things would be happy. This is all my fault. I mean, how could I look into the eyes of the person I love and tell them to get off of me? I'm ridiculous," Newt scoffed at his words.