Kimberly: Book Two of the Kimberly Hummel Series

Chapter Fourteen

"Alright, folks. Regionals is in a week," Mr. Schue said as he walked into the choir room. "It's time to get deep into our set list. Artie, you okay?"

I looked over at him, he did seem traumatized.

"My life is over," he said. "How am I supposed to support a baby?" He turned to Brittany. "How could you not tell me about this?"

Oh my god.

"Wait. Brittany, are you pregnant?" Mr. Schue asked.

"Definitely. I'm so sorry, Artie," she said. "I didn't wanna upset you. I thought I'd surprise you when I dropped him off. I'm pretty sure it's a boy."

"Um, babies don't get dropped off," Puck said.

"Wait, Brittany, have you been to a doctor yet?" Mr. Schue asked. "That's the only way to be sure."

"I don't need to go to a doctor," she said. "I just need to look outside my window. Three days ago, a stork built its nest on top of my garage. I'm not stupid. It's obviously getting ready to bring me my baby. I know where babies come from."

Oh Britt.

The next day, Mr. Schue wrote a word on the board, "Sexy."

"I really hope that's not a requirement for regionals, because with Berry in those tights, we don't stand a chance," Santana said.

"No. This isn't about regionals. I'm less worried about that right now and more worried of the fact that it's become clear to me that some of you have been lacking when it comes to understanding the–The, uh . . . The intricacies of adult relationships. Yeah, anyways. Along with preparing for regionals next week, I wanna spend the week educating ourselves about some of these intricacies."

"Is this the appropriate forum for that?" I asked, getting uncomfortable.

"Look, whatever we had issues in the past that are on our minds or giving us problems, it's always helped us to sing about it. So, this week I have invited a special guest.  Miss Holliday."

The sub that we all loved walked in freaking us all out.

"Hola clase," she said with a smile.

"Oh no, it's the salad lady," Mercedes said.

"Okay. So, sex," Miss Holliday said. "It's just like hugging, only wetter."

"Yeah it is," Artie said.

"Okay, let's start with the basics. Finn?" she said, making him perk up. "Is it true that you thought you got your girlfriend pregnant via hot tub?"

"I have always been dubious," he said, making Mr. Schue play multiple keys on the higher end of the piano.

"And Brittany, you think storks bring babies?" Miss Holliday asked.

"I get my information from Woody Woodpecker cartoons," Brittany answered, making Mr. Schue rest his elbow on a whole bunch of keys at the lower end of the piano.

"Well, that's all gonna end right here, right now," Miss Holliday said. "Because today, we are gonna get under the covers, all together, and get the ditty on the dirty."

"I'm sure turned on right now," Puck said.

"Uh, what about those of us who choose to remain celibate?" Rachel asked.

"Oh, well, I admire you. Although I think you're naive and possibly frigid, but I do admire your choice," Miss Holliday said.

"I think it's a good time for a song," Mr. Schue said.

"Oh, yes. Okay. Rule number one: Every intimate encounter you'll ever have is gonna start with a touch. Hit it!"

She grabbed a chair and started singing "Do You Wanna Touch Me", and I was the most uncomfortable during a Glee rehearsal. Good thing the administration didn't walk in because I bet that would've been the end of Glee right there.

    But I couldn't get away from the topic. Friday night, Dad called me and Kurt to the kitchen only for him to throw down some sex-ed pamphlets, and the top ones were for guys. No, no, no, this wasn't happening.

    "What are those?" Kurt asked.

    "Pamphlets I picked up from the clinic. I thought it might help the process along because it is time we had 'the talk'," Dad said.

"No it's not," I said.

"Yes, it is."

Kurt put his fingers in his ears, "La, la, la!'

"You wanted me to educate myself–"

"Nope!" I said, trying to walk out of the kitchen.

"You think this is easy for me?" Dad said as he grabbed me and my twin pushing us to the table as Kurt kept trying to drown him out. "Believe me. I want to do this even less than you do. This is gonna suck for the three of us, but we're gonna get through it, and we will all be better men and woman because of it."

"I don't want to hear how two guys have sex together!" I said earning me a slap on the arm from my brother as we sat down.

Dad threw the pamphlets down, "Now, first, most of the, uh . . . mechanics of what you'll be doing is covered in the pamphlets. Okay, so, I want you to read them, and then I want you to come talk to me about it. Deal?"

"Okay," me and Kurt said quickly before going to stand.

"Alright. Now–Hey, sit down. We're just getting started. You know, for most guys, sex is just, you know–It's this thing we always want to do. It's fun, it feels great, but we're not really thinking much about, you know, how it makes us feel on the inside, or, you know, how the other person feels about it."

"Women are different?" I asked.

"Only because you get that it's about something more than just physical."

I think I already understood that.

"You know, when you're intimate with somebody in that way you're exposing yourself. You know, you're never gonna be more vulnerable, and that scares the hell out of a lot of guys. Believe me, I can't tell you how many buddies I've got who have gotten in way too deep with a girl who said they were cool with just hooking up."

"But that's not gonna happen to me, Dad," Kurt said.

"No. It's gonna be worse, okay? Because it's two guys. With two guys, you got two people who think sex is just sex. It's gonna be easier to come by, once you start, you won't want to stop. You just, you gotta know that it means something. You know, it's doing something to you, to your heart, to your self-esteem, even though it feels like you're just having fun. That applies to you too, Kim."

"So you're saying we shouldn't have sex," I said.

"I think on your thirtieth birthday, it is a great gift to yourself," Dad said, making me laugh whilst Kurt seemed a little uncomfortable.

"Kurt. Kimberly. When you're ready. I want you to be able to . . . do everything. But when you're ready, I want you to . . . use it as a way to connect to another person. Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter. Because you matter."

"Is that it?" Kurt asked.

"That's it. For now. Can I make you some toast?"

"I think I'll take it up to my room to eat while I look over my new pamphlets," Kurt said, grabbing the pamphlets meant for him off the table. "Thank you, Dad."

"You're welcome."

My brother got up, going upstairs. Dad sighed as I looked at him, "I get the feeling that you're not really done with me. I feel that was more for Kurt."

"You're right," he focused on me. "I want you to be really careful, Kim. For you it's more dangerous. Like I said, you women know it means a lot more than guys do. And because you're a woman, and you're petite, you're gonna have a lot of guys coming your way. I know you have Ethan, and he's a great guy, but you have to set your boundaries."

I nodded. I already had. "Am I good to go?"

He nodded. I grabbed the pamphlets off the table before walking out of the kitchen. I went upstairs to my room, walking past Kurt's which was open. I turned my head to see him staring at me. I know I've said that that telepathic twin thing doesn't exist before, but at that moment it did. I could tell what he was saying.

That was the most awkward conversation ever.