The Things that Keep Me Up at Night

The Beauty of Death

Anong oras na at gising na gising pa rin ang diwa ni ante oh. Ang chika lang ng utak ko kanina ay about sa presyo ng bilihin sa canteen hanggang sa napunta sa mga multo na kaya super scared tuloy ang bading. From multo to death na nag eksena ng brain kong sa pag-ooverthink lang gumagana. Sa dinami-dami ng mga kaganapan sa mundo, mapapaisip ka talaga kung ano nga ba ang tunay na meaning ng buhay, and my answer to that question would be “death”. Imagine if there is no concept of death, how are you gonna “live”? Will you ever be able to appreciate things and moments in your life? You might say na this is creepy or dark but, whenever I’m with someone or even with group of people, I will always think and ask myself, “If this person or any person in this group dies tomorrow or today or anytime sooner, what would I feel?”, “If this is our last interaction, will it be worth to remember?”, and by asking myself those questions, I am able to picture kung ano yung gusto kong mangyari, kung ano yung gusto kong gawin with that person, I am able to make every bit of time last. Masakit isipin yung fact na dadating ang time iiwan din tayo ng mga mahal natin sa buhay, mga taong nagiging dahilan natin sa pagbangon sa umaga, mga taong nagsilbing liwanag natin sa dilim, dadating din yung time na mawawala sila, at kahit anong sigaw, pagtangis, at pagluhod natin ay wala tayong magagawa. And knowing that fact, we are able to make every time with them count, we are able to treasure our memories with them, and we are able to appreciate their existence. The reality that we can lose what we have is what makes it sacred, wonderful, and valuable. It’s not about the agony you’re in; it’s about what you’re in pain for.
Same goes sa sarili natin, bakit tayo nag-sset ng goals? Because we are aware na limited lang ang buhay natin and we want to make the most out of it. If there is no death and we have unlimited time sa mundong ito, do you think we would ever set goals for ourselves? I bet rason natin palagi, “Bukas nalang”, diba? How can we truly live our lives? But with the presence of death, we could ask ourselves, “Kung mamamatay ako ngayon or bukas, is this where I wanted to be? Is there something I would regret? Ano ang mararamdaman ko if ever tanungin ako ni God (or kung kanino ka man naniniwala) ng “Anak nandito ka dapat eh, ganito ka dapat kataas, bakit ka nag-settle sa ganito kababa?” Asking these questions would allow us realize the things we want for ourselves, we could picture our ideal life and create a step-by step process to achieve that life, and even appreciate and realize the power we hold over our future.
It may be difficult to fathom beauty in death, yet that is one of the messages implied by this writing. By focusing more on beauty, we can lessen our grief. When a loved one dies in a horrific accident, one does not consider how horrible it was but rather attempts to remember how beautiful that person was. Therefore, for me, death is the only path to life.