Thy Will, Not Mine

Chapter {24} Antonio

I watch the one who seemingly didn't know how she held my heart, her skin turned a tad bit red, it was almost unnoticeable but I knew when she blushed and right now, you could correct me but I could swear I saw a thin coat of blush cover her cheeks.

"Uhm... She is here to take our orders," She avoided my gaze at all costs and I knew that she must've been surprised to see the warmth in my cold eyes.

My thoughts had consumed my every being that I had not noticed that one of the waitresses- Jennifer was standing before us, looking composed but her dancing heels said a lot about how much of a ball of nerves she actually was.

"Good afternoon, Mr and Ms what would you like to order?"

I ushered for Destiny to speak up, "Could I please have some cheese garlic bread, with steak and a side of roasted potatoes." She replied looking up from the menu and smiling at Jennifer who seemed surprised at her kindness but who could fault her? Destiny's kindness never failed to amaze me.

"Bring your finest bottle of red wine," I added to Jennifer who nodded at me and quickly jotted down the orders.

"Wait before you leave, could you please get me some orange juice for refreshment," Destiny quickly added to her order but why I'd she want juice when we were both going to have wine?

Once Jennifer had left I decided to question her, "Why did you order orange juice when I had ordered some red wine?"

And as always Destiny gave me her breath-taking smile, "Well, I do not drink alcohol." She simply stated but I did not understand.

"But wine isn't like beer, it has a small alcohol percentage and has been made with only the finest ingredients to create different flavours and jolt of alcohol to give its viscosity and help balance out the sweetness the grapes produce," I countered back trying to make her see sense in what I was saying.

"I beg to differ for the mere fact that it contains alcohol then I cannot consume it, as one glass is enough to persuade me to drink another then another, until I'm in a drunken state and in that lies the sin, getting drunk and not being able to make coherent decisions which leads to sinning," I should've known that this conversation would take a religious turn. Everything she did and said was influenced by her religion.

"How is it a sin to want to have fun?" I had never argued with someone over the consumption of alcohol, people usually just gulped it down without a second thought and it was like it had never happened.

"The Bible does mention in Ephesians 5 verse 18;
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, and you can have fun in any other unsinful way as we are told that our every word and action will be judged by the Lord."

"Then why did Jesus turn water into wine if we aren't supposed to drink it?"

"The sin is not in consuming or rather drinking the wine but the sin emanates from drinking too much alcohol which leads to committing unintentional sins, remember the saying- 'Too much of anything is bad', so is alcohol."

I mean she did make sense, and she made me think about the consequences of my actions but she also made him seem like a tyrant. Someone who only wanted to dictate humankind on what to do, what to say and live their own lives.

"Am I making him seem like a dictator?" How could she read my mind? Was I losing my ability to close up my emotions and thoughts to the world?

"Yeah," I curtly replied.

She winced possibly due to my nonchalance, but I could not let the walls I had built start falling right in front of my eyes, "Well, he is not, he is kind but not soft, he is a loving father, compassionate, emphatical, I mean I could look for any other word in the dictionary to describe him but I would still run out of words to do so, but he is also a fair God, who like every other parent needs to punish their disobedient child, he does to us, he doesn't instruct us and show us the way of life to keep us locked up in a religious jail but because he only wants what's best for us, because he loves us. It was his love that gave light to this dark world, through Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour and once we accept him as our Lord and Savior our sins are washed away and we are no longer stained scarlet red with sin but are washed clean as white as wool."

She explained with so passion burning in her eyes, her hands making gestures to make me understand and a radiant smile never leaving her face but how could I reply to such a point-blank statement?

Thankfully, Jennifer returned with our food carefully stacked on a rolling table, getting rid of the deafening silence and making us dig into the food my personal chef had prepared for us, my wine was replaced with grape juice instead; after the long teachings, Destiny had drilled into my mind. Each of us ate absentmindedly, in our own worlds.

*****

"You didn't let me pay, so the least I could do is buy you ice cream," Destiny gave me her best puppy eyes, making me give into her resolve

"I do not eat ice cream," I stated, perhaps it would change her mind.

"Really?" She gasped as though it was something out of the ordinary.

"Yes," I rolled my eyes at her question.

"Then you will start today," she said like a woman on a mission to get me to eat something I highly disliked. I didn't like how there was too much sugar in one thing, I didn't like how it showed how we as people were meant to be sweet and I most especially despised how it was able to give Avelina sugar-rash just from one scope, making her hyperactive.

"Look over there! There is a small ice cream shop. Park here, we can walk all the other way," she spoke with a twinkle in her eyes, pointing to a park filled with kids and in the middle of them an ice cream shop with blinding colours.

Instead of arguing, I cut off the ignition and opened my door just to walk over to Destiny's side and opened up her door for her.

"Thank you!" She eagerly said, pulling me by the hand to the ice cream shop.

"Wait, let me lock the car," I pressed the lock button on my keys and double-checked that the doors were locked, no matter how many cars I had, I valued each one of them.

Our walk on the tarred road leading to the luscious green park was filled with Destiny rambling on random facts that floated in her pretty little head.

"Did you know that lack of sleep could kill you sooner than starvation?"

She never ceased to surprise me with all her knowledge of the human body and now I was astonished.

"Really?"

She rapidly nodded, making her braids sway with the movement, "Chronic sleep deprivation is connected with cardiovascular diseases, obesity and other health risks, so please sleep early."

"That's nice to know, and I will, amore," this was the longest I had spent with any other person other than myself and my mind-boggling thoughts. I loved isolation, I hated hearing all the soul-crushing things my conscious would tell me, and I hated the feeling of lonesomeness but I had to let my conscious eat me up, bit by bit, after all, no one could dig me out of the pit I had dug for myself.

The night sky hung above us, reminding us that we were only slaves of time and that time lost was time wasted, so I would forever treasure this time I had with Destiny, the beholder of my heart.

*****

A bottle of whiskey, sat on my mahogany table just waiting for me to quench it along with my depressing life but today something had changed.

The dire need for alcohol to drown out my sorrows, the loss of my mom and dad, the life I had chosen to live was not as big as my love for a certain chocolate brown-skinned girl who looked at me with so much adoration, so much hope that I would change and let the walls I had built around myself fall but that would mean losing all I had known, making myself vulnerable to my enemies and I could not allow that.

Despite her words ringing in my mind, I drank one glass after the other, each of them burning the back of my throat, the only sound resounding from the bottles clinking with each other, everyone else was asleep and I as usual was still awake till the early hours of dawn but decided to go to sleep early today, just because Destiny had asked me.

I closed my eyes with one thought, I loved a girl that would never love me back if she found who I was.