Believe me, I lied

Chapter 7

     Dalawang oras bago mag-alarm ang phone ko, nakatulog din ako sa wakas. Ang hindi ko alam, mag-titipid na pala ako sa tulog sa mga susunod na araw. Kasi naman, dumating na pala siya...

     Si Paul.

     On a very typical day at the office, I went to find Ms. Lozano to pass some papers. And When I opened the door to her office, I saw him there...and my mind went blank upon seeing him.

     He smiled at me na parang walang nangyari, because he really seemed happy to see me. It didn't even bother him that his girlfriend can see him greeting me warmly. So I smiled at him as well and to his girlfriend after. But she just flashed me a fast-forward smile, and then turned her head in another direction after.

     After I successfully passed on the papers to Ms. Lozano, I turned my back on her and then I saw him again. I just gave him a feint smile atsaka na 'ko lumabas.

     I was shocked, but not because of seeing him unexpectedly, but because meeting him again didn't feel as overwhelming as I thought it would be. O baka talagang manhid na lang ako?

     You see, here's the thing with my anxiety. I would always feel worried about something before it happens, and then there's nothing left to feel when it finally happened. I know this is how it always work, but I just can't stop myself from overthinking just because I'm aware of that fact. Because it's hard to stop your mind once it starts to overthink even if you own it.

     ***

     Papunta na sana ako sa pwesto ko nang makita ko si Joey na naglalakad papalapit sa akin. Bigla na lang akong nakaramdam ng galit dahil 'di niya sinasagot ang mga tawag ko mula pa kagabi. I wanted to confront him pero he's not giving a chance to.

 
   He was just walking straight, at nang malapit na siya sa akin, I called for his name...but he just walked straight pass at me without even giving me glance.

     Really, what's wrong with him? I mean, I don't know. He's a big problem of mine and I don't know how to solve him.

     ***

     At lunch, Dianne sat with me again at the cafeteria. She also developed a new hobby---which is, she would give me all the meat that she has. I know it was her payment so she could talk about "someone", but I didn't let her. I'm just so tired today and I don't think I can deal with whatever she wanted to talk about. So I gave her back the meat. She just looked at what I did and didn't say anything. After a few seconds, she finally say something.

     "Can you say something for me?" she asked, and now our eyes are on one another.

     "What?" confused na tanong ko.

    " Say...Dianne, you're on a diet" seryoso niyang sabi. Im still confused pero sumunod naman ako.

    "Dianne, you're on a diet" I said to her in monotone.

     "Oo nga pala!" She exclaimed, and I got startled at her for suddenly raising her voice. She then proceeded to put her meat again on my tray and then say something more after. " Diet nga pala ako, thank you sa paalala, Nicks" tuloy niya and then she gave me a wink at the end. Nakasimangot lang ako sa kanya, but then I gave up and finally I smiled at her.

       "Baliw" I said softly and she just smiled at me. Thankfully, hindi naman siya nagtanong about kay Paul kahit na sinuhulan niya ako ng karne.

     After our lunch, Dianne and I went to the storage room to get some bond papers. While holding a single ream of bond paper in her hands, I told Dianne to go back first because I need to look at the stocks muna.

     Sumunod naman siya. And I regret my decision as soon as they entered the storage room.

     Here they come---the villains of my WORKSTORY. Joyce and her two life-size art canvas: Carol and Tina.

     Joyce loves to paint their faces. However, she doesn't like spending her art tools on them. Thats why it's expensive to be Joyce friend. Because you have to buy your own makeup for her to use on you.

    I'm just standing awkwardly in front of them, while they were in their mean girls body position. Joyce then impatiently say something to me.

     "Leave the couple alone" she firmly stated. Right, the couple in which these three girls based their standard of a romantic relationship: Paul and Giselle.

     "I'm not doing anything" I answered.

     "Wala pa siguro" said Carol

     "And we won't let you" said Tina---with her eyes threatening me. Joyce then raised both of her hands to stop them from saying anything else.

     "So, what do you say? You leave them alone...or we would tell all of the new employees about what you did to---"

     "Wala akong gagawin, I promise" I said sincerely to them. And honestly, I really mean it. In fact, I didn't even do anything in the first place, and things just got out of hand that's why the rumors started.

     Right, the rumors between me and Paul. But why am I the only one suffering?

     "You promised so you should keep your words... because we won't keep ours" Joyce said and the three of them laughed viciously at one another. "We'd love to enlighten people who still don't know what kind of a  desperate woman you are...so look forward to it" tuloy pa niya atsaka sila umalis habang tumatawa pa rin.

      Napasandal na lang ako sa kung saan dahil bigla na lang nanlambot ang mga paa ko sa mga nangyari. My head is overloading and I wanted to scream. I want to quit but I can't and I don't know what to do anymore.

     Suddenly, my phone rang. I took it from my pocket and I was reminded again by this person why I can't quit.  I took a deep breath first before I answered my phone.

     "Hi mommy, can I call you back? Medyo busy lang ako. Love you" I just said to her, and I ended the call quickly.

     I can't quit and come back home because I know it will only drive me more crazy than I already am.

     I took a deep breath before I leave the storage room. I'm planning on finishing my tasks today quickly so I can go to "that place" again. Because I don't know where else to go.