Believe me, I lied

Prologue

     I carefully opened the gate, but it still made a dragging sound that I'm already used to. Then, I started to walk my way---trying my best to avoid hitting any headstones along the way.

     And When I finally arrived at my usual spot, I sat down and stares at the familiar headstone in front of me. Except from the name, birthday, and the date of death written, I don't know anything else about the person under it.

     And then there's that uneasy feeling between my chest and stomach again. That's right, I'm feeling overwhelmed again. So what I did was bow down my head and embraced my legs tightly---making sure I'm the only one who can see and feel my sadness.

     "I can't believe she's still here knowing babalik na si Paul next month"

     "Malakas talaga ang loob"

     "Baka naman hinihintay niya talaga si Paul, para manggulo na naman"

     That's what my coworkers said a few days ago. At narinig ko lahat ng mga pinagsasabi nila about me while I was inside the cubicle of the bathroom.

     Sa totoo lang, I wish they could also fix their words instead of just only fixing their makeup. But instead, they choose to run their mouths about rumors that they know nothing about.

     Siguro ganoon talaga.

     The thing about rumors is that, THE TRUTH---is mostly the least entertaining. And the more twisted the rumor is, the more fun it is for people to talk about it.

     In short, mas masarap para sa mga tao ang magtsismisan kapag malayo na ito sa katotohanan. Maybe because that's the only chance they get to be creative?

     But I won't let them see my emotions.

    No, I won't let them enjoy seeing me be affected with everything that they say about me.

     That's why I'm here---in front of someone I'm not familiar with. And no matter how it looks weird, this place has been my comfort place eversince I discovered it. Because on this place, I can freely release my emotions and no one will judge me for it.

     After I spent a few minutes in the same position , I finally decided to stand up. I look at the headstone one more time before I say "thank you" to the only person I've always lean on to. And then I left.