Behind His Eyes (CoD: Ghost Fanfiction)

23

The coordinates Rickman sent from Ellie's cell phone were for somewhere in the middle of bumblefuck nowhere in North Carolina. Ghost was able to track where Ellie's phone was, and it was true to where the coordinates led, just in case Rickman  tried to play a trick and fuck him up. The team had gathered up weapons and gear before taking a military plane as soon as they could during the night. By the time they reached North Carolina, they had only a few hours to spare in the drive.

Ghost had prepped the guys on the plan he had in place, and he made sure that they understood it. Despite their anger towards him for the true reason he had left Ellie so quickly, the guys all cared about her, and wanted her back safe just as much as Ghost did. "That's my niece or nephew she's carrying," Soap had said as he geared up in the plane. "What uncle would I be if I didn't help her when she needed us?"

Ghost had remained silent as he pondered what he was going to say to Ellie when they met up in person again. If Rickman didn't kill her before he got to her, he had a lot of apologizing to do, and kissing her sweet ass. The thought of her being there alone, at the hands of a man he hated, while vulnerable made his stomach do backflips. He never wanted this to happen. Had he stayed, talked it out with her like she had been teaching him to do with his emotions, she wouldn't be in this mess.

Ghost ran his gloved hands over his head and let out a heavy sigh. He felt one of the guys sit next to him, and he raised his head enough to see Gaz leaning on his knees staring at the floor. The two men remained silent for a moment, and Ghost knew Gaz was waiting for him to say something first. Sitting back against the wall of the plane, he looked at Gaz. "How did you take it?"

"What?" Gaz asked nonchalantly.

"Finding out you were going to be a dad."

That drew a smile onto the Sergeant's face. "You're never really sure how to feel about it. Everyone experiences it differently. I myself was absolutely elated, because we had been trying for a kid before I got deployed. She was nervous to do it all herself when I wasn't around, but knowing that I was going to be there soon to help her was enough. Parenthood is a partnership, Ghost," he explained. "Ellie won't be able to do it alone, no matter how strong she seems to be."

Ghost's eyes fell to his clenched hands, and he sighed. "I didn't want a kid."

"Why?" Gaz asked.

"I didn't want to scar the poor child with my past," Ghost grumbled. "And... Ellie deserved more of a man for a bloody father to her child. I fucking left her because I was lost on how to feel, and did the only thing that I knew how to do. I fucking ran off..."

Gaz waited patiently for Ghost to catch his breath. He didn't like exposing himself like this, but if anyone was going to understand the fear of fatherhood, it was Gaz. "She deserves to have a life of fucking happiness," Ghost continued. "I took that from her by knocking her up."

"Did you ask her how she felt when she found out?" When Ghost didn't answer, Gaz added, "Then how do you know that she wasn't happy to be a mom? To have a kid with a man that she loves to death?"

Ghost couldn't bring himself to answer. He hadn't thought about Ellie's emotions at all, even when he hesitated to leave that day. He had paused, but it was more to not turn and yell at her. She had said she wanted to keep the baby, but he didn't know if it was because she wanted to be a mom so badly, or if she hoped that maybe Ghost would want to settle down a little. 

"Ellie loves you, Simon," Gaz said gently. "Nobody knows her as much as you do, not even Soap. She and the kid need you now and after this is all over. You have to sit down and talk with her about it instead of running away."

"If I survive this," he muttered under his breath.

"What?"

Ghost looked at Gaz's confused face. "I said if she thinks I deserve the time."