Awake

Chapter Twenty-Three - A Change in Leadership

Nigs's mouth opened and closed and he realised his knees were trembling. He couldn't read the expression on Kaede's face. He never could, but this was different. This wasn't enigmatic, this was boarded up and closed.

"Why did I make people cry?" Nigs asked, bewildered. "I mean...what did I do? And why was I supposed to take care of it?"

"This isn't a conversation I want to have."

"I'm your superior," Nigs said, abruptly. "I insist that you tell me!"

Kaede's look nearly made him melt into his boots but eventually she sighed and spoke.

"The girls in your regiment were easily instructed."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nigs demanded.

Kaede raised an eyebrow. "What do you think it means? Use your imagination."

Nigs paled. "You mean...I...but why? I mean, I was fifteen!"

"I know," Kaede slammed her papers into her folder. "I was there."

Nigs shuddered. "But...I...I'm not like that now. I mean, I'd never...did I really?"

"Yes," Kaede snapped. "You did. And guess what, Nigel? We never told. We never told anybody. It was a secret inside our regiment, for the people under your command. Not even John ever knew. We kept you safe, and we did everything you asked."

Nigs couldn't seem to close his mouth. "I...I..."

"Stop stammering," she glared at him. "I get it. You're different now. New life, new you. Whatever. It doesn't matter. But that's why Beatrice Archer was crying in your dream. She was one of yours."

Something stirred in Nigs's memory, something about his first meeting with Kaede.

"I used to be one of yours."

He swallowed hard. "Did I...did you...I mean...um...."

"Yes."

"Oh," Nigs's cheeks flamed red. He felt sick with himself. "I'm...I'm sorry."

"Whatever," Kaede stepped past him, out of the room. "It doesn't matter now. Nothing does."

The door slammed closed behind him. Nigs stared at the desk, trembling, skin crawling, revolted with himself and wishing more than ever that this life was the nightmare.

Carmen lounged on a chair, watching the people in the room. Lounging was her most natural position. She didn't like to use unnecessary effort for little things like posture.