Alternate Dream Part 2

15. Heartbreak

"Hezron, don't be a fool!" She could hear Fulton yelling. Thank God, that meant he was still there. He was ok.  The hope in her heart quickly turned to complete anguish when she caught up to them and saw the state of the man she loved.

He was sitting on the edge of the bridge, outside of the safety rails, his feet dangling over the edge. He looked as if he hadn't slept in weeks, his hair sticking out in every direction as if he'd run his fingers through the strands many times. He was barefoot and shirtless, wearing nothing but pants. His skin looked like it was turning purple in the cold night weather, she could see his breath in the air, thanks to the nearly full moon.

"I'm always a fool, brother. Always have been, and am destined to always be." His voice was weak and distant, void of life. He was staring down at the river 100 feet below them, as the rushing water cascaded down into a waterfall shortly after. He was barely acknowledging their presence.

"What are you doing here, Hez. Come home, please." Fulton was speaking more softly now.

Rain began to trickle down and Hezron raised his head to let it fall on his face.

"I'm tired." Was all Hezron said in response. 

"Then let's get you back home, to a nice warm bed."

"I'm tired of being angry, Fulton. Of being disappointed in myself, of letting everyone down. Of seeing people's looks of pity or disappointment. I'm so tired of pretending everything is okay when it's not.  I'm so tired of everything."

"Brother, please. We can work through this, together. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you the way you needed, I'll make sure I'm there for you now."

Hezron let out the saddest laugh Pea had ever heard, looking back down at the water. "Even now, you're feeling sorry for me. Feeling pity. When you should be feeling shame and anger. Why am I the only one who is angry, Fulton? The only one who can't move past what I've done." His voice was still weak and void, but also sad.

Pea was still just standing there listening, afraid to move.  The moment she saw him she was rendered speechless, in complete shock. She couldn't move, couldn't speak, and couldn't look away.

"It's exhausting, putting on a happy face everyday, trying to show that you've moved on and are actually living your life the same as everyone else. But I'm not, brother. I'm still back there, two years ago. I haven't left." Several moments of silence passed before he continued. "I'm so lonely... left here in this place all alone. I can't leave."

"Why can't you leave, Hez?" Fulton asked softly.

"Leaving would involve forgiving myself for what I did. I owe it to those who died to never forgive myself. I owe it to Lena and to little Hope. I owe it to Xander."

"You don't owe me anything, son." Xander responded. Him and Nina had caught up to the others but had remained quiet, unsure what to do. "Nor do you owe that to my girls. Do you honestly think they'd want you to stay like this?"

"They died because of me. Even the thought of forgiving myself and moving on...trying to be happy... It's like telling them I didn't make a mistake. That I don't feel guilty for what I did. I should always feel guilty." He paused a long moment before his face scrunched into a scowl and he angrily spit out "I am guilty. I killed them. And even now, I'm still hurting innocent people, causing them pain. I've hurt her, brother.  She's the most innocent, pure, and beautiful person on this globe and I'm causing her pain." Anguish showed on his face as he moved his hands from behind him to grab the front edge of the bridge and lean over, looking down

 "Don't! Hezron, please!" Pea screamed, finally finding her voice.

His head quickly turned to look at her, shock showing on his face, he hadn't realized she was there. But his quick movement caused him to lose his balance, his grip slipping on the now soaking wet wooden boards. He began to fall and Pea screamed in horror. One of his hands caught on a board and he clung to it. His eyes found hers again and he stared at her.

Fulton leaped under the railing and grabbed his brother's wrist. "Hezron, let's get you up. Help me get you up." He pleaded.

Hezron didn't respond, he just continued staring at Pea, who was sobbing, her tears mixing with the rain on her face. She fell to her knees and crawled to lay beside Fulton. Her eyes were pleading with Hezron to listen to his brother and come up to safety.

Xander moved to Fulton's other side, reaching for Hezron's free hand. "Give me your hand, son."

He still didn't respond, with words or actions, he was just hanging there staring at Pea.

"Please, Hezron. Do what they say. Please." She was pleading through her cries.

"Hezron, please!" She was yelling now. "You can't do this, I love you! Please don't leave me!"

His eyes rounded in surprise and his grip on the bridge tightened. "You...." Was all he managed to get out, his brows furrowing. "You can't..."

"Of course I love you.  How can I not?" She laughed, letting a small glimmer of hope begin to take route, at his reaction. "I've loved you for weeks, but I was too afraid to say anything. Too afraid you wouldn't love me in return. Hezron, I don't feel worthy of you. Do you understand?"

"How could you not be worthy of me?" He practically cried, his features scrunching as if in pain.

"Everyone has a past, everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has fears and insecurities that make them feel undeserving. I have them too. You're not alone, Hezron. Please come home with me, back to your cabin. You'll never be alone, I promise." She let out a sob, "please, my love... please. Don't leave me to be alone. Can't you see that without you I'd be in so much pain?" The words were barely audible through her sobs and the rain, but Hezron heard them. 

For what felt like eternity, they stared at each other. Hezron's face slowly changed into one of determination. He nodded just slightly, turned, and brought up his hand toward Xander, who reached to grab it. But before they connected, the board Hezron's other hand was holding cracked and broke away and he fell, caught only by his brother's hold on his wrist.

Pea screamed while Fulton groaned in determination. He reached his other hand down to get a better hold on Hezron's wrist, while the two guard's held their kings legs to keep him from slipping as well.

"Hezron... reach your other hand up to Xander. Quickly, you're slipping.... Xander! The rain... I can't hold him!"

Pea felt her world go completely quiet and time began to move in slow motion. Hezron's face turned to hers as his hand fell out of Fulton's reach. She could see him mouth the words as her ears registered his voice. "I'm sorry, my love."

And the next thing she knew he was falling further away from her, their eyes not leaving each other until he was too far away for her to see them. Sounds slowly began to register as her ears could hear Xander and the guards fighting to keep their king from diving after his brother, Fulton screaming Hezron's name. Her skin felt Nina's hold on her shoulders. But her brain registered none of these things. Its sole focus was on the man staring up at her. She could no longer see his eyes but she knew they were still looking at her face, as she was his. His body became smaller and smaller in her view, and suddenly he was replaced by a splash in the water and she could no longer see any sign of him. In mere seconds the water returned to its normal rage and there was no sign he was ever there.

Even as a blood curdling scream ripped from her lungs, she didn't register it. Her mind was on the last images of the man who held her heart and then her world turned to black.