To Know You

Twelve: Seth

"Lord why would she want me when even I, don't want me..."

Olive's P.O.V.

The walls of the compact room were covered in white wallpaper with several different types of flower designs on them, but they all were a baby blue. The room hosted two small twin beds, and in front of both were wooden dressers and above each were mirrors in the shape of a circle with a wooden frame. Each bed was dressed in white sheets, a baby blue comforter, and white plush pillows. I knelt to the side of my bed and Blanche's bed laid only feet behind my form. 

The lamps dimly lit the room and as night soon would fall upon us, I found myself kneeling and praying to God. It's been only a few months since I accepted Him into my life, but I knew this was truly the only way to fight my battles. 

"Yahshua, please hear me." I knew deep down it was a silly thing to say for I knew He is always near and listening, but it helped ease my worry every time I said it. "Yahshua my life is nothing but pieces of a broken mirror. Within me lies a child and I don't know how to feel about it yet alone take care of it!" What will happen when my body turns off autopilot and delivers the baby from within me into my arms? I am practically a child myself. "Yahshua, I fear I am not ready for this child; I'm scared..." What if I can't take care of this baby? Seth made it clear that this baby was not welcomed here. 

"But when that timeframe is up, I will expect you out of my manner."

"Yahshua, all my life I have been known as a poor child. It didn't help that instead of turning to you, I turned to partying to try and fill this hole within me. I was so lost when Jasper found me that instead of seeing the darkness that cloaked his soul all I saw was him being my prince charming. If I had only been smarter, if I had only listened to you instead of the devil...then maybe I wouldn't have been Jasper's prisoner for four years..." 

Tears glissade down my puffy cheeks as I allowed my head to fall back, "If I had only been smarter..." 

Seth's P.O.V.

With a large white sheet shielding the floor from the mess of blues. Taking hold of the paint pail, I hurl the blue paint onto the white wall before tossing it aside. And as if I were child in kindergarten, I place my hands upon the mess of paint and begin to smear it back and forth as if I was truly finger-painting.

"God, I can give you five-thousand reasons why I am not good enough for Olive." Within seconds my hands were stained blue as my abusers' hands were once stained red with my blood. "God we both know she deserves a man who can give her the life she deserves. A life that makes her happy, a life that is perfect for her and the child. A life that is not tainted with darkness of lies and deception. God, I have made a mess of my life and now I have to pay for it, and I accept my punishment, but I ask only one thing of you and that is to leave my Cheyenna out of it..." 

My hands slow as I grit out, "I can handle pain, but she cannot, so please just allow me to endure it..."

As I have always done...

Olive's P.O.V

My breath was so fast that I was afraid my heart would nearly beat right out of my chest. Tears were flowing out of my eyes so fast that they caused me to have blurry vision. "Yahshua, why did you allow Jasper to hurt me? Why didn't you stop him!" I may have placed myself in that relationship but why couldn't God just remove me from it!? "I was fifteen I didn't know the difference between love and abuse! But you did! Jasper did! For cake's sake Jasper was forty-two he knew I was too young and yet he still took me into his home and said that our ages didn't matter because he loved me...Oh God I just wanted a man to love me."

I was young and dumb but so desperate for love from a male that I unknowingly fell right into a predator's trap. And once his talons were around my neck, I was his thrall for four years. 

"Yahshua, I now have four men tainting my life! Daddy never truly loved me; I was more like a burden and a house maid then I ever was a daughter to him. And the moment I told him about the child he kicked me out as if I were the trash among the beach!" The moment my mother took her final breath my father dropped his act and treated me how he saw fit. And he saw fit to leave me with a babysitter until I was of age to watch myself, I was hardly even eleven when I began to independently take-care of myself and clean up after him. He was a construction worker and yet you would've thought he was a doctor for he worked many hours. At times I even believed he took-up extra shifts just to avoid me, his mistake...

"Yahshua, then there was Thomas, growing up he was the only friend I had besides his little sister, Addison. Thomas was my first kiss and love, I thought he was going to be mine forever. We had so many ups-and-downs throughout the years you would've been amazed at how we were ever friends. But when the times were good, they were good and when the times were bad, they were bad. And then it ended with a wildfire, and he escaped...but I didn't." That's the problem with boys, they're all talk and no action. They'll say they will protect you from everything and everyone but the moment it comes down between your life and theirs they run with their tails between their legs. And indeed, that is what Thomas did.

He ran like a scared little boy off into the sunset, what a happy little ending for our friendship....

"Yahshua, if I had to compare one human to the devil then indeed it would be Jasper for, he treated me as if I were a pet and not a human. His hands would fall upon my body, and I felt so dirty afterwards. The things he did to me are unspeakable, but I truly wish to tell you one day maybe..."

That leaves the fourth and final male in my life, Seth.

"Yahshua, Seth has given me an amazing job, but he says that he doesn't want the baby here and then tells me he wants to help with it! Lord, I know what it is like to have a male figure in your life and then watch as they do not care for you, I will never put my child into a position like that."

Seth was like fire, he wanted to help but his touch is too hot, and it will burn this child therefore he needs to stay away if he truly cares. However, this meant I needed to stay away as well and that is going to prove to be more difficult. I knew he had a wife and I respected that as I truly wasn't interested in him. But at times I found myself wanting to be near him for reasons unknown to even I. 

Perhaps only you know, Yahshua...