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͙⁺˚*･༓☾
sunoo didn't hesitate to run after sunghoon, who has just stormed out of the room. he found the older leaned against the wall, head buried in his hands.
"sunghoon?"
wanting to approach without coming off to pressing, sunoo practically whispers sunghoon's name. the latter raises his head, almost relieved and a bit happy to hear sunoo's voice, knowing after everything, he still came out here to find him.
before sunghoon can get a word out, sunoo speaks again. "i know i'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but...do you want to tell me what happened back there?"
he doesn't, really. in fact, he's pretty embarrassed. the weight of everything lately caused his cool to snap. sunghoon then remembers exactly what he said. the words resurface to the front of his mind and he cringes at himself internally.
it's like sunoo can read his mind by the way he says, "you know, i get what it's like to be picked on for your sexuality."
at this, sunghoon perks up, intrigued. he wasn't sure if he was expecting sunoo to respond disgustedly to his outburst at first, but it's sunoo, and sunoo would never do that. it's one of the many reasons he likes him so much.
sunghoon angles his body toward the shorter, inviting him to speak. "y-you do?"
sunoo nods, leaning against the wall now, too. "i mean, i was kicked out by my own parents when i came out to them."
here was something sunghoon never would've guessed. someone as precious as kim sunoo could go through something so horrible, too? he supposes that's just the way the world works. life isn't fair and people are terrible and everything sucks. why is sunoo confiding in him about something so personal after he basically treated him like shit?
there's a strange pause in which sunghoon feels like he's obligated to come up with a meaningful response. he can't imagine what his life would be like if he didn't have his parents love and support. sunoo is a lot stronger than sunghoon thought. he wishes he had that type of strength to stand up against his boss.
"sorry, was that too personal?" sunoo croaks, deciding sunghoon's prolonged silence is due to him being uncomfortable.
frantically, sunghoon shakes his head. "no! no, i mean...don't apologize. you have nothing to apologize for. you never have." he lowers his head, ashamed. the tears pooled behind his eyes slowly begin to well up again.
sunoo can't lie, his heart beat increased with the hope that sunghoon might actually open up to him in return. it's really all he's been wanting ever since joining the group.
"this...everything. it's all my fault."
sunghoon clenches his fists by his side, his head still lowered as he presses his eyes shut, hoping that would prevent his frustrated tears from escaping.
"what's your fault?"
"the way i treated you. my stupid attitude during rehearsals, during car rides. if i wasn't such a coward, it wouldn't have to be this way."
sunoo is even more confused than he was before sunghoon started opening up, if that is even possible. but he places a delicate hand atop sunghoon's shoulder, lightly doing so in case sunghoon isn't a fan of the touch.
to his luck, sunghoon practically sinks into it. his fists unclench and his breathing steadies. sunoo lets a moment of silence linger before sunghoon finally lifts his head, his tired eyes landing on sunoo's.
"i really like you, sunoo."
it wasn't so much the shock of the words itself as it was the fact that sunghoon had actually confessed, but either way, sunoo's eyes widen at the words. since meeting him, it was the most genuine and sincere he's ever seen the older act toward him.
sunghoon continues before sunoo gets the chance to speak. "you have every right to hate me. but i instantly felt something toward you the night i heard you sing. i couldn't get you out of my head. i couldn't believe my eyes when i caught you in the crowd that night, too. i swear, my heart couldn't stop pounding, i could barely hear myself think."
sunghoon was word vomiting at this point, the same way sunoo had a few nights ago, but he didn't care. the way sunghoon's eyes were starting to find its light again was all sunoo needed in that moment. his cheeks warm as sunghoon rambles on.
"when our boss said he wanted a new member, i knew it had to be you. but..."
sunoo squeezes sunghoon's shoulder gently, with the hand that hasn't moved, reminding him he's still there and that they're safe. "but what?"
"but i'm selfish. because...our boss is homophobic. and i knew that. i know that. but i like you. and i selfishly wanted you in our group, knowing damn well nothing could ever happen between us because of the boss. i dragged you into this and it's all my fucking fault."
by now, sunghoon's tears cave, finally seeping through the corners of his glassy eyes. he slides slowly to the ground, bringing his knees to his chest for comfort. sunoo follows suit, linking his arms between sunghoon's left one.
he lays his head along sunghoon's shoulder, letting the older cry out what he'd been holding in for so long.
sunoo is starting to understand park sunghoon. even if this is only the first step, it's more than he can ask for. even if it took sunghoon getting to his final breaking point, it was still worth it. because in the end, they're all still young, and sunoo simply isn't the type of person to hold a grudge, especially not toward someone he knew deep down was struggling with something he was too afraid to speak about.
"i'm sorry i let you go through this alone. and i'm sorry you had to carry a burden of feeling like me joining then group was all your fault." sunoo brings his head up to face sunghoon. "but it isn't. and you're making it sound like you did something terrible, but all you did was have a crush. that's normal. never let anyone make you think otherwise."
sunghoon cracks a smile, grateful for sunoo at a time like that. sunoo smiles back, unlinking his arms to swipe the pad of his thumb over sunghoon's tear stained cheek.
"oh, and for the record," sunoo begins, his cheeks tinting a hue of pink. "i like you, too, sunghoon."
sunghoon's smile grows, and soon the two burst into giggles, unsure of what they're even giggling about.
after what feels like an eternity, sunghoon asks the question that had been on the tip of his tongue.
"so, what now?"
sunoo had the same question. he wasn't entirely sure, but he didn't think they had to be, really. they're still figuring things out, and even if they both like each other, they don't need to rush into anything, especially after just having reconciled.
sunoo breaks apart the hands sunghoon had wrapped around his legs so he could intertwine theirs together instead. they fit like a puzzle piece, as cheesy as it sounds, but either way, sunoo feels content.
"for now, we don't have to do or say anything. let's just...live in the now."
not having to say anything? sunghoon can easily do that. besides, he can't imagine saying shit to his boss about anything yet, anyways. the other members? that's fine.
but sunoo is right. they should just enjoy the moment and not think about what anybody else has to say. it's what sunghoon wishes he did in the first place.
yet now, with sunoo's hand intertwined with his, he knew everything was gonna be okay.
