all fair in love and war (mw2 x reader)

memories fade but scars linger

I couldn't sleep, my head spun and I was dizzy

The darkness in my room enveloped and I hid under my blankets, anywhere I looked I could see Bonderav again.

His eyes

His voice

It haunted me

I kept my breathing steady and tried to calm myself down

I knew it was in my head, that nothing was going to happen

Suddenly I felt his touch again, shivers went down my spine

I threw the blanket off of me and my eyes darted around

Nobody was there

My chest hurt and my eyes welled up, I took a deep breath

"I can't fucking be here" I mumbled under my breath and got up

My heart was racing I could feel it

I blinked my eyes rapidly as I felt panic set in
I stood up not even caring that my legs shook and I fell at least twice

I couldn't be in that chair anymore

I couldn't be in this room

I could feel him all around me and I hated it

My breathing hitched and I left my room using the wall to support my weight

The halls were dark and I had a knife in my pocket

I couldn't take how quiet it was

I got to a balcony and sat down, hearing the cars below and the voices of the guards on watch

I was out of breathe and I curled into a corner holding the knife in my hand

I closed my eyes waiting for the morning sun, being in just a tank top and shorts made me get goosebumps under the cool fall air

Even though I could feel my body slowing down and beginning to sleep my mind raced and every time I started to slip into sleep my body lurched forward and I was awake again

I must have sat out there for 3 hours as I watched the moon move

Passing soldiers looked at me for a moment but then left

"Y/N?" I heard a raspy voice behind me

I turned quickly my grip on the knife tightening

I saw Ghost in front of me

"It's 2 in the morning what are you doing" he crouched down next to me his eyes darting from me to the knife in my hand

"Are you hurt?" he kept on asking me questions but I couldn't bring myself to speak

"Did you hurt yourself Y/N?" Ghost said starting to get a little more stern

He reached out

"Dont touch me, dont please" he flinched back and I saw his eyes soften

"Y/N your safe." he pulled me in for a hug holding the wrist of the hand I held my knife in and taking it, throwing the knife to the side

"I couldn't sleep" I said as he let me go

"So you come to a balcony?"

"Why are you here?" he looked up and then back to me

"A guard came to get me, and said he saw you struggling to get out here and then you just collapsed into a corner"