Kunikidazai Oneshots

I Can't Do This Anymore

(A/N: greetings, readers! It's angst time once again, specifically Kunikida angst. So I'm here to provide a warning. Without further ado, enjoy!)

It had been happening for awhile now, which probably should've been an indicator that Kunikida shouldn't have agreed to go on this mission with Dazai, but apparently he made bad decisions. Or he just wasn't one to turn down work because he tried to drown himself in it more often than not. Or both.

What was the reason he felt that he shouldn't have gone on the mission?

The truth was, Kunikida hadn't been doing very well lately. He'd been struggling with some of his usual feelings of inadequacy and he wasn't even completely sure why. They often tender to just hit him out of nowhere at some of the worst times. Except for when he cried himself to sleep, which had happened a few times lately. All he knew was that his feelings were worse than normal. Which was why he'd been trying to distance himself from everyone, even Dazai. He felt bad about doing that, but he didn't want to burden anyone else with his problems.

At least he was hiding it well.

...He thought.

Or he was until he found himself on the mission with Dazai and despite all his best efforts, the worst had happened: casualties.

The mission had been a pretty dangerous one, and Kunikida had almost put himself at risk while trying to save everyone.

Luckily, Dazai had pulled him back.

Not that Kunikida had seen it as a good thing at the time.

"Dazai, I need to save them!" Kunikida had exclaimed.

"Kunikida...you were putting yourself at risk," Dazai replied.

"So?!"

"So? You need to stop doing that. What about you? Why can't you look out for yourself more?"

"I care more about saving anyone I can!"

"That's the exact sort of thinking that'll get you killed one day."

"...I know."

"I'm sorry, Kunikida, but you just can't save everyone. I'm sure you know that."

Kunikida didn't answer. Of course he knew that. It didn't make it any easier to accept, though.

Dazai also fell silent. He hadn't meant to make Kunikida feel worse.

As predicted, casualties had occurred. Compared to everyone Dazai and Kunikida had managed to save, there weren't that many. But in Kunikida's eyes, there were way too many.

Dazai made sure to keep a close eye on Kunikida as the two of them returned to the agency. He even tried cracking a few jokes, hoping to see Kunikida smile.

But it didn't work. It was as if Kunikida had gone into his own world. In a way, he had. He was just trying to hold it together until he was alone.

Dazai began to worry. He had a feeling that it wasn't the best idea for Kunikida to keep working in this condition.

Once they reached the agency, Kunikida headed straight to his desk, sat down, and began to do some paperwork.

He's doing it again...trying to drown himself in work so he doesn't have to think about things, Dazai thought. This wasn't unusual behavior, but it didn't stop the bandaged man from worrying. He headed off to Fukuzawa's office, explained things, and asked if he could take Kunikida home.

Fukuzawa approved, also visibly concerned about his employee.

Dazai skipped out of the office, walked up to Kunikida, and tapped his shoulder.