Don't let go - Emily Prentiss & y/n

There's always tomorrow.

TW: mentions anxious and depressive behaviour, smoking (cigarettes).

(I haven't seen any comments on any of the chapters yet. Let me know what you think of the book so far, I'd love to hear your opinions!)

As the cold air wrapped around you, you stared at people going about their daily lives in the parking lot. You weren't really paying attention to them, your mind was suddenly blank and your feelings had dropped to a place you couldn't access them anymore.

You took long drags from your cigarette, trying to think about your lungs filling up instead of the case and your childhood that had been filling your mind so much for the last few days.

'I thought you'd quit.' Emily said, appearing next to you, a reassuring but faint smile on her face. You turned your attention from Emily back to the lady scrambling to get all of her paperwork into her car.

'There's always tomorrow.' You said bluntly. Emily had been so sweet recently, but you really just wanted to be alone, away from anything to do with this case.

'That was pretty brave, what you did in there.' Emily said, turning to you and pressing her right shoulder against the wall behind you.

'I just did what...' you started.

'Anyone else would do?' Emily finished, smiling wider now. You turned to her and couldn't help but smile back.

How do you always manage to cheer me up?

'You need to give yourself more credit, y/n.' Your smile faded slightly. 'You just solved this case for us, pretty much single-handedly.' Your face dropped and you lingered in eye contact with Emily for a few seconds, with all the sadness you couldn't feel just a few minutes ago finding its way back to the back of your throat. You turned your attention back to the parking lot again, searching for another stranger to focus on, and taking another drag of your cigarette.

'I'm worried about you, y/n.' Emily said matter-of-factly, tilting her head to the side slightly to try and meet your eyes again. You took the cigarette smoke back and held it in your lungs.

'Yeah, I'm worried about me too.' You said, knowing there was no point even trying to reassure Emily you were fine. You exhaled what was left of the smoke inside you and dropped the end of your cigarette, stamping it out slowly.

'Hotch is looking for you. He wants to speak to you.' Emily said softly. She clearly knew this wouldn't exactly be music to your ears. You crossed your arms, nodded, and lifted yourself away from the wall. You started to pass Emily into the building but you felt her hand gently touch your arm. You turned to her and she held both her arms out.

You unfolded your arms and let Emily pull you in for a hug. The way she wrapped her arms around you was so... motherly. She gripped you tightly, rubbing her right hand up and down your back. If it weren't for the tears you could feel trying to make their way to your eyes, you'd have wanted to stay in that hug forever. The safety you'd felt falling asleep in Emily's arms that night with the girls swarmed over you again like a blanket.

Emily waited for you to pull away first, and when you did she reached up and brushed her thumb against your cheek briefly. You smiled sadly back at her, and then made your way back into the building.

You and Emily walked into the bullpen, where everybody else was stood in a circle chatting, except for Hotch who was stood outside his office meeting your gaze as soon as you entered. He flicked his head in the direction of his office, signalling you to join him. You inhaled sharply.

As you passed the rest of the team they looked at you awkwardly. You knew they'd never mean to, but something about them all stopping their conversation to look at you worriedly made you feel so excluded.

When you reached Hotch's door you lingered there for a second.

'Come in.' Hotch motioned with his hand, looking down at a file on his desk. 'Shut the door.'

Although you got on so well with Hotch, he was still very much your boss. There was something about him, his manners and his authority, that made him feel somewhat unreachable, even when he was being more of a father to you than you'd ever had.

'Sit down.' He offered, finally looking up. You always had trouble doing ordinary things like just sitting down when you're invited in somewhere. You were constantly looking for permission to make yourself comfortable in someone else's space, no matter how many times you'd been given that permission previously.

'Well done for your work on that case. We really couldn't have done it without you, y/n.' Hotch praised, keeping his serious demeanour as always. You nodded in reply. Hotch looked at you for a few seconds.

'How are you doing?' He asked.

'I'm fine thank you, sir.' You replied. Hotch stood up from his seat, walked around his desk and perched on the front of it.

'I've been profiling long enough to know that when someone only responds to questions and nothing else, and when they respond with "I'm fine", they're usually not fine.' He observed. You straightened yourself in your seat, faking a confidence you really didn't have at the moment.

'Sorry, sir. It's just been a hectic day.' You said, trying to offer a hint of how you might feel so that he'd stop prying. He nodded.

'I'd like you to take some time off, y/n.' He said matter-of-factly, clearly not fooled by your attempt.

'What?' You immediately replied.

'You had more involvement in this case than I'd have preferred. I want you to take a few days to yourself, to process everything and come back with a fresh head.' He said.

'That's not necessary, I'm...'

'It's non-negotiable.' He cut in. You just looked at him, accepting defeat. You really didn't have much else to say.

'Get off early today, and then take an extra 2 days minimum of your holiday. If you need more, I'm happy to sign off on it.' You looked past Hotch for a minute, taking it all in. Then you stood up and headed towards the door. You stopped with your back to Hotch when you heard him start talking again.

'We're all here for you, you know y/n.' You lingered at the door for a minute, before opening it and leaving.

You made your way down into the bullpen, not even realising tears were streaming down your face until Garcia and JJ tried to block your exit.

'Y/n? What's happened?' JJ asked, worry filling her voice. You hated that they were so worried for you, all because you couldn't find the courage to tell them what was going on.

You just brushed past them not even looking up, along with the rest of the team. You grabbed your bag from your chair and your phone from your desk and headed to the elevator. You could feel the team's eyes burning into the back of you as you waited for the elevator doors to open. When they did, a familiar face greeted you on the other side.

Emily stepped out of the elevator, walking directly towards you. 'Y/n? What's going...' You cut her off and stepped past her into the elevator, hitting the ground floor button and turning your back to Emily until the doors shut, tears soaking the collar of your shirt.

You left the building and got into your car as fast as you could. Driving home, you could barely see the road.

You were self-aware enough to know that this kind of emotion doesn't tend to come without repercussions, and for the first time in a long time, you were afraid of how bad this evening, and the next few days, were going to be.