Jeremiah

XXVIII -Happy Birthday

Life's a loosing game when you don't play
Don't hold your cards too close is what they say
Now, love is just another leap of faith
But I jump right in
-Mxmtoon

☆Theme Song: Fever Dream by Mxmtoon☆

Xosha's POV

I could clearly recall the last time I had a proper birthday party, and that was my third birthday.

My mom got me a very beautiful sky-blue gown that flowed down my short legs to my feet. I felt like a princess. A lot of people I didn't know showed up for the party. I felt really loved. That was all I could remember.

Sitting on my bed, I had the pictures spread across my thighs and analysed my tender features. I hadn't gotten glasses then, of course. My eyes looked a bit puffy, as a result of my tears. Yes, I cried that day. Someone tried to steal my cake and that got me emotional because I really loved my teddy bear cake. I picked up a picture where I was placed on my dad's lap as we smiled at the camera. It was the best birthday I had. Unfortunately, I thought all my birthdays would be like that. As time went on, I stopped going all and out for my birthday. Most times, it was just my parents, Dawn and me. Eventually, I stopped having cake on my birthday.

I had so many reasons why I was hyped for my 18th birthday. I thought things would change for the better, but they didn't. To make things worse, my birthday fell on a Tuesday this year. Not that I didn't see it coming, it just made me disappointed because I knew it'd turn out to be agonizing. When I got to school, I got a few wishes from some students who were aware, Vincent, Ms Hannah, and lastly, Azure and Dawn.

Dawn.

Dawn was mad at me and made it very clear that she was. Apparently, on Friday at Isabella's party, I spent so much time with Jeremiah and that got her upset because she felt left out and we stayed up past her mom's curfew and all. I wasn't even in the mood for all her blabbering and got upset. She was so insensitive at that point. I had made it clear that I wanted to see Jeremiah. I thought she was going to support me on the move I was going to make, but instead, she decided to lay all her anger on me.

Little did she know I was too anxious to care.

I kissed him.

I kissed Jeremiah.

It all happened in a short span of time. Since then, I had been reprimanding my actions. I'd never felt so stupid. Whatever pushed me to kiss him disappeared a bit too quickly and left me ashamed. Immediately I tore my lips away from his, Dawn called me, giving me a good excuse to run away from him. Walking briskly back to Adam's apartment, I felt myself get hot and sweaty and didn't even listen to Dawn's rants. I just kept shut and followed her home.

That night, I sent him a text and till now, he hadn't replied. That made me more frustrated because he kissed me back.

It was a quick kiss, but I felt his lips move in sync with mine before I pulled away. I was a delusional person, yes. Still, I could swear that Jeremiah kissed me back. Maybe he didn't mean to. Maybe he was taken by surprise. Maybe he just did that because he didn't want me to feel rejected. Maybe I was so bad at it and it agitated him so he decided to do it himself. Whatever reason it was, it made me feel weak. I wasn't a good kisser and promised myself not to initiate a first kiss. But, that night, I felt so motivated to give in to what my body was crying for. Looking back on it, I felt incredibly dense. It would've been better if I had told him I liked him. Kissing him was a bad idea. A useless thought.