White Noise {Ayushiki AU}

Confusion

I opened my eyes once again, and I see the rope hanging on top of me. The first thing I do is turn to the left. I see his bleach hair and then I scream, wondering why he was in the girl's bathroom. His eyes open wider as he heard the scream, however, he calms me down and tells me to breathe. I try to continue to catch my breath, which I haven't been able to achieve since the scream I recently produced. My head was still on the cold floor and I could smell the scent of blood nearby. I then notice that my suicide letter is gone. I finally was able to maintain my breathing and I sit up from the floor. I turn left once again to see his face.

"I see you're up." He says to me with a smile. He was on his knees and I could see his eyes turning red with a layer of tears. Was he about to cry?

"How long was I out?" I say to him

"Um, 10 minutes." He says blandly.

"What are you doing in the girls bathroom?"

"I have to clean all the bathrooms, it's my punishment for skipping school so frequently."

I remain silent and I look at the ground, still smelling my own blood.

"Then, I saw a rope, a pair of legs dangling from the floor, and croaking noises. I knew something was up. Luckily, you left the stall door unlocked." He resumes, trying to pick up the conversation.

"Wh-why did you save me?" I ask. He remains silent for a moment and the wall of tears from his eyes start to break down and fall on his cheeks.

"You're crying," I say, "I've never seen you cry before."

"No one has." He responded.

I was about to ask him why he was crying but I could already figure it out. He's probably going through the same thing. I couldn't believe I didn't notice sooner.

"I couldn't believe you were suicidal. You were always so happy and outgoing." He says. He starts to shed more tears.

"Kishinuma...why are you crying?" I ask, even though I know.

"It's because you...you..." he stutters, "you remind me of my sister."

My eyes widen in interest, yet I start to shed a few tears myself.

"She attempted suicide six times at the age of 14, she succeeded a year later. She died just almost a year ago. She was bullied excessively and she was hated by almost all her teachers. She never told me this until I found her flat on the ground in her bedroom door with a knife in her hand and a note next to her, which told me everything. I could have saved her." He stops to breathe a little bit and he leans his head on the bathroom stall wall.

"Then after her death, I started to become a delinquent. I didn't care about how I did I school or in life anymore. I was too stupid to save my sister. I was a great student here before, then I started to not care anymore. Then it went downhill from there. My parents disowned me, they kicked me out and I wasn't allowed to contact them again. Now, all I'm doing right now is struggling to live with these debts, my job, and this grief still in me. I'm almost to the point where I want to cut myself. But, when I first saw you hanging from a sturdy rope in this very stall, I couldn't bear to see you die. I didn't know you that well and vice versa, but I would hate to see someone struggling with their emotions. It saddens me, it really does." He continues.

I was one hundred percent in shock, but I somehow couldn't piece this together. How can he instantly care about me when he never knew me before? I couldn't understand anything anymore.

I didn't know who he is, but I could relate to him so much. But I knew consulting someone wasn't the way to get out of this. I got up from the floor and I asked him something. "Hey, by any chance have you...felt suicidal?"

"Yeah, all the time, but I didn't want to cut myself. I knew there was another way out of this grief, but I just have to find it." he answers.

He smiles at me and I return the smile.

We pause our conversation for a few seconds and we gaze into each other's eyes. I can instantly feel the connection between us two. We're going through the same problems and the same type of grief. The both of us lean towards each other, then the school bell rings. "Listen, if you need me, I'm here twenty-four seven." He says. "Anyway, I have to get going, I can't afford to be late to another class again."

"Okay. Thanks by the way." I say. He runs off without returning his cleaning supplies, or even cleaning the bathroom at all.

I stay in the bathroom and all I think about is the future.

I think I've found my last hope.