Anne with an e- a new version of the story

Chapter 68- Christmas night

ANNE

Anne shivered, and pulled tighter the wool coat that covered her from head to toe. The cold was so intense that she could feel the tips of her toes frozen inside her thick winter boots, and she mentally scolded herself for having offered to carry Marilla's bread packages to Rachel's house. Now she would have to walk for almost a kilometer, listening to the icy wind humming through the trees, giving her the impression that it was colder than the thermometer numbers indicated, making Anne fear that she would die of hypothermia before reaching the gates of Rachel's house.

She hastened her pace, trying to walk faster, but her feet felt heavy as lead, managing only a few steps per minute, and she realized to her chagrin that it would take longer than usual to cover the distance between Green Gables and Rachel's farm. She should have accepted the ride Matthew had offered when she was leaving home. Anne had refused because she wanted to get some exercise after being confined indoors for several days because of the constant blizzards. She needed fresh air, so she had been encouraged to go outside when she saw that the sky was clear and almost cloudless that day, but she was wrong when she thought that the temperature would also be higher, which everything indicated would continue to be so for quite some time.

The time was right for this, because that night was Christmas Eve, Anne's favorite day of the year, but this time she was not so excited. Perhaps it was because after the holidays, Gilbert would finally be off to college, leaving only those two weeks to enjoy each other's company, and this had a devastating effect on Anne's emotions.

As she walked at a slow and almost discouraging pace, she noticed the houses she passed all decorated for the big day, but the air of festivity she could feel in every Christmas ornament or light did not seem to cheer her up, because  she simply couldn't get Gilbert's departure out of her mind, so close now that if they didn't pay attention it would catch up with them in a second.

They decided that they would not attend any Christmas parties this time, preferring family celebrations. Anne and Gilbert would spend Christmas Eve with Mary and Sebastian, while Matthew and Marilla would go to Rachel's house.

Although she was not in a festive mood, Anne did not intend to spend her last remaining days moping around. She had planned a marathon of activities to do with Gilbert, outings and moments together that would do them both good and give them a chance to relax. But even as he accompanied his fiancée in everything she had planned for them, Gilbert had been strangely quiet these days. Anne knew him well, and knew that his move to New York was upsetting him as well. He didn't talk about it much, but the way he had approached her recently had made her realize how much it was affecting him.

Gilbert hugged her more often, touched her face all the time, and when he kissed her, besides the ever-present passion, there was a touch of melancholy or even farewell that Anne tried not to think about. She hated the silence that fell between them now, and Gilbert's lost gaze that she couldn't decipher, the moments when he seemed to pull away from her, raising her thoughts to a level that was impossible for Anne to reach. It was hard for her to love him so much and know that in a few days an ocean would be between them, and she wouldn't be able to just see him every time she missed him.

Life was like that, she knew from experience, that there was no middle ground, you either held on to what you wanted or you let go of it for good giving it all up and living only on memories, She didn't want that for herself, and she certainly didn't want that for Gilbert. She would never let him give up anything that would make him happy just for the sake of their love, because she knew that the charges would come with time, and regret would not bring back the lost opportunities, so she would rather suffer now with the distance, than agonize later with the unhappiness of her fiancé.