Heaven (new version)

chapter 33: family

That very afternoon, Aunt May decided her cooking wine needed to be in her belly instead of her roast and passed out on the sofa in her apron and curlers. When Cookie heard her snoring, he snuck a shivering and rather drippy Sina into his room.

The faint scent of something burning followed the pair. "Dang woman's going to burn this shack down one day," Cook growled. "Grab yourself a towel and get out of those wet clothes," Cook pointed to the laundry basket and excused himself to check on the meal.

"Maybe she should stick to making cereal. I do." Sina said to the poster of Alyssa Milano smiling from above Cookie's bed. "But you got to know that Lucky Charms aren't so lucky. You're still the same unfortunate fool after eating them."

Stripping to his underwear and taking two fresh towels out of the laundry basket by Cook's bed, Sina tiptoed to the window and perched on the ledge to watch a fresh flash of rain try to drown the world. He was glad for the roof over his head – even if May was under it too- because it looked like someone should be building an ark out there. The sky was black and the wind sounded like a banshee. Though it was barely six PM, it felt like the middle of the night.

Sina thought about how great it would be to sneak into the tub and use a whole bottle of wonderfully scented bubbles in a steaming bath that he could sink into. But he worried May would realize he was here. "She might try to drown me."

Sina dried his hair as best he could before taking the larger towel and wrapping it around himself. He closed his eyes. He felt like he were in a cocoon. Thoughts of the bath returned but when he contemplated wriggling under sweet strawberry steam, he also thought about Caleb being there with him.

His mind drifted and went to a place he should have locked away. Memories of Caleb's touch were fresh – like a wound. Allowing the priest to linger in his thoughts was like sprinkling salt on that wound. Sina cupped his face in his hand. He squeezed his eyes shut but with every passing second, the memory of what happened got stronger until he felt he was stuck in a stormy swirl. There, all alone in the room, Sina almost felt Cal's touch. He practically heard his breath hitching and him admitting that it felt so good.

"I'm a sinner." In the slowly growing madness of his brain, Sina heard Cal whisper, "but I am also a man and this feels..." Sina winced remembering how Caleb's breath hitched.

"Good?" Sina whispered into the emptiness.

"I've never felt this good."

"Boy? Boy!" Cookie's hand slapping down on Sina's shoulder made him topple off the ledge and onto the floor.

"What you doing sneaking up on people like that?" Sina was a crumpled mess at Cookie's feet.

"I called your name three times but you were lost in la-la land."

Pulling the towel over his head, Sina muttered from under it. "Not lost."

"I was lost but now I'm found," Cookie sang before he sat down next to his friend.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Do you not like my singing?"

"Your voice is gorgeous but that song is not one I'd add to a mixed tape."

Cookie pulled the towel off Sina so he could see his face. "Should I sing you some Bowie?"

"How about the blues."

"Babe...listen," Cookie said gently. "He's a good man but a priest does not a boyfriend make."

Fussing loudly, Sina pulled the towel back over his head. "I do not want him as my boyfriend."

"Oh, you don't, do you?" Cookie crossed his arms over his chest. "And what do you want Sina Noir? A one-night stand?"

Sina wanted so much to ignore him, but instead, he yelled out, "No!"

"You just wanted to go down on him and that's that?"

"No," he yelled again.

"Then what in the flying fudge do you want?"

Sina felt his breath warm up the interior of the towel. He didn't want to leave the comfort and he didn't want to answer.

"What exactly do you want?" Cookie's voice was soft.

Sina looked at his feet. The black nail polish on his toes needed reapplying. He ran his finger over a chip and frowned.

"Well?"

Sina stared at his toes wishing Cookie would disappear.

"You'll have to speak to me eventually."

"Or else what?" Sina snapped. "Are you going to kick me out?"

"No, I'm not going to do that. As long as May is lost in her intoxication, you stay."

"Aunt May never liked me."

"So? Aunt May barely likes me most days. Especially after her Vegas pilgrimages." Cookie chuckled but it faded into a sigh. "She's going blind you know."

For the first time since meeting May, Sina felt a pang of sympathy. "Is that why you stay?"

"No. It's not pity keeping me here. She's family, Sina. You don't abandon family. You help them weather their storms, even if they suck sometimes."

"Am I family?"

"Mmmhmmm. You're family, babe. My brother."

Sina slid a hand out from under the towel and found Cookie's. He touched the tips of his fingers to his friend's knuckles and spoke. "I want him as mine. To wedge between my heart and soul where I keep everything I cherish. I have a place, Cook where you and my mother are. Caleb belongs there. I don't know if you can define that as wanting him as my boyfriend. It's something more. I don't just want parts of him that go with being in a silly relationship. I want all of him. His hopes. His fears. His body. His mind. The parts I have yet to discover and the parts that want me."

Sina heard Cookie sigh deeply. "I feel that."

"I know you do."

"If that's how you feel, I mean really feel –"

"I do, Cook. Right down to the marrow of my bones."

"Well then, that's more than love, boy. That's..."

Sina held his breath as Cookie went on. "That's pure heaven."

Sina looked up at his friend. "What do I do now, Cook? I'm hurting without him."

"Go to him tomorrow. Tell him. If this is how you really feel, then I think he needs to know."

*Fun Fact: Cookie has a poster of Alyssa Milano because she rocks!