runaway.

chapter 17 - on the run.

stella.

i carefully close the window behind me, making sure it shuts without making a sound. prior to leaving, i checked up on my parents to make sure they wouldn't come looking for me. i could hear that a group of their friends is over, which means i would be in the clear for the rest of the night. they forget they have a daughter most of the time, but especially when their friends are around. i practically become invisible. it's like i'm a ghost, just the way i wish it could always be when i am around them.

my breath is so heavy that i pause for a few seconds to try to catch it. i have thought about this moment for forever and it's finally happening. my body shakes with pure excitement and nervousness. i use the power of my invisibility to step out onto the roof and climb my way down to the lawn. i must be extra silent as i tip toe right above their heads. my parents and their friends unsuspectedly smoking in the living room, as their one and only daughter stella makes a run for it. i could almost giggle. its comical, isn't it?

if they only paid a fraction more of attention to me, then my father would have glances out the window to his left when i landed in the grass with a sharp thud! but no one looks. no one bats an eye or questions the strange noise coming from the lawn in the middle of the night because they are all too busy being cracked out. other times, i would be disgusted with their behavior, but tonight i am grateful for the freedom it grants me. i continue to tip toe my way to the sidewalk until i am fully out of view of the house and then, i break out until a full sprint.

the chilly autumn air smacks me in the face as i run through it. the feeling i'm experiencing is thrilling. for the first time in my life, i feel free. i get to choose where i will go and what i will do. no longer can my parents dictate my life. no longer will i have to be their punching bag. i won't have to worry about a run in with luke and landing myself back in the hospital. i hate that hospital. no place is worse than home, but the white walls and vinegary smell make it a close second.

i, stella madden, have dreamed about running away ever since i was 9. i am now 16 and my dream is finally coming true. its 3am, pitch black and heavenly quiet. there's not a soul in sight, no pedestrian, no biker, no cars, just the long, never-ending road and me. it feels like i could hold the whole world in my palm at this moment. i'm still running with no clear end in sight. my legs lead the way as if they've trained their whole lives for this moment (and they have).

the voice that resides in the back of my mind is quiet for once.

it starts to pour and unlike other times, i don't take it as a bad sign. i stop my sprinting and begin to dance in the rain. it makes me feel more alive than i ever have been. for the first time, i seriously have no complaints about my life. i just so happened to have stopped right across the street from the park. it is the same park from a few weeks ago if you can remember that one, since i have desperately tried to block out the memory (i hope you did too).

i hold up both of my middle fingers to the playground as i pass by it. the stella madden who couldn't defend herself and cowered in fear was weak and pathetic. it was embarrassing to say the least. i would never be this stella madden again.

i couldn't be.

not now that i am out on my own.

i had to be strong. fearless. that feels like something i never have had the possibility to be. i've always had to hide myself in plain sight. i've become a natural at distancing myself from other people, being able to run away from my parents while remaining in an arm's length. well, not anymore. i am now stella madden 2.0. i will hide from no one and nothing. i will be a big girl who stands up for herself.