Land's End

22 | the way I loved you

I pulled the key and shoved it in my pocket, still standing outside the door. Yes, I should come another time—or wait for him to come to me.

As I was about to flee the scene, the door opened, and a very awake Cam emerged. "Amber."

His voice was as hoarse as a whisper, and I wouldn't have heard it clearly if it wasn't so silent. Surprise colored his eyes as his lips parted slightly. I looked at him, the shame of being caught and the relief of seeing him, a strange mix in my heart.

"You're here," he added as if he was trying to ensure that I was real. "You came."

"I did."

I flinched when Cam stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Can I hold you like this," he asked, his voice velvety. "just for one sec?"

I could hear the rest of that sentence even though he didn't complete it: while it lasts before we have to talk this through. So, I let him—snaking my arms around his neck, resting my chin on his shoulder, and shutting my eyes. This gave him the confidence boost he needed, so he hugged me tighter, burying his face into my neck.

One second seized into infinity, yet still ended like a bounded set.

When Cam pulled back, he left an uncomfortable chill down my neck in his wake. Eyes opened, lips pressed together. I grabbed my forearm with my other hand to fill the gap, taking breaths to suppress my anxiety. I only noticed we were inside when he closed the door behind me.

I looked into his eyes, surveying him, and parted my lips, but he spoke first: "Don't say anything." He raised his arms. "I—I should do the talking this time. Just listen to me."

Thank God. I nodded. I wasn't in any state to do any coherent talking. Listening, I could manage—people said I was a good listener.

I followed him when he sat on the bed's edge. Held my breath as he wetted his lips, looking down at his lap. The moment was stressful, like waiting for an exam result to be announced. At the same time, there was an underlying fatigue behind my adrenaline-fueled body.

"I meant what I said in the text message," he said. "I know I'm not good at words—you know I never was—and I fucked up earlier by saying nothing." He looked into my eyes. "But it's not easy to stand before the person you've loved all your life and confess your feelings in simple words."

My pupils grew large, enormous, and I felt the motion in my eyes. He'd spilled it out without warning for someone who said he couldn't confess his feelings. My cheeks started to burn, and my throat dried like a desert. I stifled a cough because I didn't want to interrupt him.

Inside my head, there was a court trying to adjudicate.

Pausing, Cam frowned, then laughed softly. "I just said it out loud, didn't I?"

I bit my lip and nodded. It was his ability to lighten the most dramatic situations.

He released a breath like he'd just thrown off a huge weight. "I was actually going to explain why I pulled back from your kiss first. I made a plan in my head, but I'm worse at thinking when you're around. In fact,"—he held my hand—"I decided to stop overthinking when it comes to you. I'll just follow my heart from now on."

I let out a chuckle, squeezing his hand. My eyes watered, still trying to process his confession. This was the first time a guy confessed his love to me first. Ever, my inner voice cut me off, it's the first love confession you've ever gotten.

I guess it hurt more that it was true. Although I'd been on the verge of marrying someone, I'd never truly fallen in love. And it was two-sided. Nobody had ever loved me that much—the heart-skipping-a-beat kind of love. I raised my gaze and looked at Cam.