Hiraeth

1

The smell of lilies and carnations is still fresh in your mind.

The first time that sickening scent had wafted in your nose, it was at the funeral of Stanley's father. He was a nice guy, even though you had only met the now-deceased man about two times at most. But he was the one who taught Stanley how to use and hold a gun. He loved and cared for him, like a proper father.

For Stan, he was his role model.

Even though you had hadn't seen Stan shed a single tear as he stood emotionless at the funeral, you could see the slight tremors of his tiny shoulders. Xeno probably noticed it too, but didn't point it out either.

Stanley didn't say a word, only nodding at everyone who would offer their condolences. You did, however, see him grit his teeth after he saw them giving him a look filled with pity.

He hated being looked down upon, even if it was at his father's funeral.

The young boy wasn't known for showing a broad range of his emotions, especially grief. You knew that; Xeno knew that; even his relatives knew that. But that didn't stop people from circulating those harsh whispers, talking about the lack of an emotional response from the ten year old Stan.

Yet when you and Xeno stayed over for the night after the funeral, you felt him grip your hand as he drifted off to sleep... just a little bit tighter this time.

—————

The second time your trio was hit with the griefs of death, it was at Xeno's house.

It was his family dog, Roxy.

You watched with a distant ache in your 12 year old chest as Xeno's father lowered the poor dog in the grave.

You can vividly remember playing with Roxy in the blazing heat of summer like it was yesterday. She always liked you more than the boys, probably since Xeno almost never played with her. He opted using her as an assistant to get things for him.

Even though Xeno kept saying that it didn't bother him, since every living being will die one day. But you can remember Xeno leaving later in the afternoon, only returning with a single white lily to place on Roxy's grave.

Once again, grief struck the three of you when at age 15, Xeno lost his mother.

You're not sure if you had ever seen such dead eyes on a living person's face. It was like a part of Xeno had died alongside his mother, that day. You and Stanley didn't dare leave his side. While you tended to Xeno, Stan took care of everything else involving the funeral.

The fragrance of lilies and carnations on her funeral was a grim reminder that you all had yet again, lost someone dear.

You certainly hoped that it would be the last time you would ever smell that sickening scent.

If only you knew...

—————

You never had a good relationship with your mother.

After your father had left her, she had become deranged, constantly picking fights with anyone she saw. That anyone usually ended up being you, and since you were the older one out of you and your sister, there was no other choice but to take on your mother's brutal words and harsh slaps.

Protecting your sister was something that you did, not just because you wanted to protect her, but also because it was your duty. She was young; nothing but a child.

Children her age should be playing around and enjoying their weekends. Instead, she was met with a broken home, a deranged mother, and an older sister who clearly didn't sleep more than 2 hours a day just to put food on the table.