Chateau <Joe Keery>

13 - Feel Alright.

My phone buzzed, pulling me out of my thoughts. Joe had sent me his song. It was called Chateau (Feel Alright). I hesitated for a moment before pressing play. As it played through, I thought back to the night we met. And it brought a warm feeling to my heart. Obviously it did to Joe's too seen as he wrote a whole song about it. Every memory we had together was replaying in my mind. Maybe the sad montages in movies weren't completely inaccurate.

'So, I turn back the time. I'm at the Chateau and I feel alright.'

I was fully in tears when the song ended. Without a second thought, I grabbed my keys and ran out to my car. I didn't like to drive in the rain. Especially when it was dark out. I was always a good, safe driver. Not tonight. I was lucky there weren't any cops around and that I didn't crash. I didn't bother to go the speed limit or stop at red lights. I didn't care. Only one thing mattered to me. I needed Joe.

I pulled into his driveway and jumped off my car, running to his front door through the heavy rain. I rang the doorbell and waited for the door to open. The door finally opened after what felt like forever. "Liv, wha-" I cut him off.
"I want to be with you! Even if it means I could get hurt again! Because the way I feel when I'm with you is worth all the pain in the world! When I met you I was in a bad place and I hated my life! You saved me! And I don't think you even realize that! So I want to be with you! Because I can't live without you, Joe!" I shouted over the rain. A smile arose upon his face as he stepped out into the rain with me, grabbing my face and pressing his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he snaked his around my waist, keeping us close together. Eventually he broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine. "I need you." I said. "I need you too." He replied. I smiled and kissed him again before saying, "Can we please go inside? I'm cold." He laughed softly and took me inside his house.

There I was laying in Joe's bed, drawing shapes on his bare chest. And I was so happy. I looked at him and saw him already watching me. "What?" I asked. "Have I ever told you how incredibly beautiful you are? Because you are." He said. "Yes, I'm sure the sex stench and knotted hair is extremely beautiful." I said with a giggle and he kissed my forehead. "Are you free tomorrow?" He asked. "Yeah, how come?" I replied. "Not anymore." He said. "What?" I questioned. "Our date." He said as if it were obvious. "Oh, I'm getting a date?" "You thought you weren't?" I shook my head. "Well, you were wrong. This is going to be official. You have no escape now." He said and I chuckled softly. "You're cute, Keery." I said, booping his nose and standing from the bed. "Hey, where you going?" He asked. "I have to pee, I'll be back. Geez." I said.

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(Yes, more time skips!🥳)

It had now been 2 months since Joe and I started dating. Things had been going great. He even asked me to go to this event for Stranger Things 3 in Paris with him. I wasn't nervous about being public with Joe. The paparazzi had already been basically stalking us for awhile. 'Stranger Things star, Joe Keery, seen kissing mystery brunette.' They were so invested in us, it was actually a little sad. Maybe when we cleared everything up for them, they would leave us be.

Joe and I landed in Paris in the late morning, early afternoon and got to our hotel room. I laid down near the edge of the bed and reached my arms out for him. "Come lay with me." I said as he walked to the edge of the bed and held my hands. "I would but I have a meeting and I need to go soon." He said and I got up on my knees, throwing my arms over his shoulders. "Not even just 5 minutes?" I whined. "I'm sorry. But, if you let me go, I'll make up for it tonight. I swear." He said. "Fine, go on." I gave up and he smirked, pressing his lips to mine. "I'll miss you." I said as he walked towards the door. "I'll miss you too, gorgeous." He replied.

The door clicked shut and I was officially alone. I hated being alone. Being trapped with my worst enemy. Myself. Being at my home alone was different. I was comfortable and knew I was safe. However, I was in a different country and nothing around me was familiar.
I would convince myself that the world hated me, that I wasn't safe and I was useless. I had no idea why this happened but it was horrible.
I tried playing music or putting on my favorite show, nothing seemed to calm me down. These days felt like they lasted forever but also not long. It was confusing and frustrating. Why couldn't I be normal? Then my least favorite part came. The part where I had convinced myself that Joe was mad at me. There was no reason why he would be mad at me. No matter how much I tried to think of a reason. I was still so sure he was though. Then the insecure thoughts followed. I wasn't pretty. I wasn't smart. I wasn't funny. I wasn't good enough for him. He didn't actually care about me. This was all a lie.

"Olivia?" A familiar voice called, shaking my shoulders to get my attention. I had been so deep in my thoughts, I didn't realize that I had gone into a panic attack. I was sitting in the corner of the room with my knees brought up to my chest, hyperventilating, and had no idea how long I'd been there. "Olivia, look at me." I lifted my head and saw Joe. "Good, good. Now, can you tell me 5 things you can see?" He asked. I looked around the room for a moment. "The bed." I stuttered. "Lamp. Door. Curtains. Mirror." I slowly named them off. "Okay, 4 things you can touch?" "The carpet. The wall. You. Myself." I started to calm down. "3 things you can hear?" "My heartbeat. The air conditioning. Your voice." "2 things you can smell?" His voice got quieter as my breathing slowly regulated. "Patchouli, I think. And you." "And 1 thing you can taste?" "The gross airport peanuts." He laughed at my answer. "I told you not to eat those." He said. "I was hungry." I defended. He helped lift me from the ground and wiped my tears. "Are you okay?" He asked. "Thanks to you. I'm sorry." I responded. "No, baby, don't be sorry. You did nothing wrong. I'm just glad you're okay now." He said, pulling me into his chest.

We laid in the bed, watching tv, cuddled up with each other. Although I wasn't alone and panicked anymore, the thoughts still lingered.
I tried to convince myself that Joe wasn't mad at me and that he did care about me but it was no use. So, I finally decided to just ask him.

"Hey, Joe?" I lifted my head from his chest to look at him. "Yes, my love?" He asked and tucked my hair behind my ear. "Are you mad at me?" I asked. "What? Of course not. Why?" He questioned. "I convinced myself that you were." I said. "Is that what your panic attack was about?" He asked. "Partially." I answered. "Well, I'm not mad at you. I want to show you something to prove it." I furrowed my brows as he grabbed his wallet from the nightstand. "Would I still have this if I was mad at you?" He opened it up, revealing a picture of us from a Photo Booth a few years ago. I took it from his wallet to get a better look and smiled, remembering that day.

"Do you know how hard it was to not kiss you that day?" He asked. "I think I probably do." I replied with a smile.

"Now I can kiss you all I want." He said. "That, you can." I then leaned forward, connecting our lips.