Throughout the Years (Tronnor AU)

Chapter 8

My razor.

It was a new razor. Not used yet. Fresh and untouched my human skin and flesh. It was an innocent piece of metal that hadn't been exposed to the feelings and emotions of a person.

I twiddled it in my finger as I bent over the bowl. I stuck out my left arm and lowered the razor over. The closer the razor got, the more my skin itched and hurt. I couldn't take it anymore.

One

That's for being an anxious fuck after your parents left

Two

That's for being a depressed piece of shit

Three

That's for existing

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

That's for noticing Troy

With each stroke of the metal, I winced in pain. After the flurry of cuts, I looked down at my arm. I made light, red, horizontal lines that began to form little beads of blood.

I stood up and slowly opening the stall door. I peaked and looked out to see if anyone was in the bathroom. No one was. Thank God. That means no one heard my whimpers. I quickly moved out of the stall and over to the sink where i was my forearm, razor and hands that were all covered in blood. When I ran my arm under the cold water, it stung more than it did before. I jumped in pain, letting a few tears trickle down my face. I went over to the towel dispenser and dried my razor and hands. I lightly dabbed my forearm to dry it. It stung like a bitch, but it helped me forget my flaws and thoughts. It helped me escape the cruel, dark world that is Earth. It made me forget my true fear: being a homosexual. It was the most unknown, foreign concept that scared the living daylights out of me. I'm already nervous and self-conscious. I really don't need to be thrown a curveball right now.

I guess that breaks my clean streak. I walked out of the shower house and ran down the path to go back to the cabin. I sprinted past cabins where I heard people screaming and hollering about God knows what. I finally made it back to the cabin, traveling up the two steps, and pushed the screen door open.

I froze.

My heart dropped.

I was locked into place.

That guy was reading my journal.

He was crouched on the ground reading it.

"What are you doing?" I asked with assertiveness, but with a cracking voice. I wanted to move forward, but it felt like my legs were locked to the ground.

The guy looked up quickly with surprise. "Oh-um I-it fell off your bed and-"

"So you read it?" I asked with tears coming up in my eyes. Oh God. How much did he read? How much was he gonna hate me now?

"No! I mean...I guess I did. I'm sorry. I was curious and-" My legs didn't feel locked anymore. My fists were balled into small, white fists. I tears pouring out with so many emotions at once. I quickly moved forward and snatched my journal out of his hands. I looked up at him and he had a frightened expression on his face.

"Stay away from me." Was all I could muster. I wiped a few tears away as I turned on my heels towards the door.

"Wait!" I heard the guy spoke. I stopped in my tracks, debating if I want to turn around. Giving into my curiosity, I turned around and looked at him.