Bitter (wlw) (teacherxstudent)

twenty-four

"Uhm, thanks for telling me. It's absolutely not horrible of you, really" she said after a pause of silence, evidently caught off guard. "We did agree that communication was essential for us to happen in the first place, after all"

"Yeah" was all I was able to say.

"I just don't really know what the right thing to say is, if not how sorry I am to have caused you an unnecessary amount of suffering. I knew that what happened back in November would be hard to get over, I honestly thought you'd want nothing to do with me anymore after it. I was surprised you'd decided that wasn't the case. In a good way. All I can say about it is that I've been feeling like a fucking idiot for my behaviour ever since. And I'd never do anything so horrible ever again. But of course, as far as you're concerned I could be just saying anything to make you feel better. If there was something I could do to make you believe I'm being completely honest right now, trust me, I'd do it in a split second."

"I appreciate your apology. And I know you're being honest" I said, tears crossing my cheeks.

"I really am. And also, don't you ever think about me finding someone better than you, because that'd be quite impossible. You're one of the most amazing persons I've ever met for an immense amount of reasons. I wish I could be there to wipe those tears away"

"It's okay..." I laughed, grabbing a tissue from the drawer beside my bed. "Uhm, I know you were joking about you doing anything to win my trust but-"

"I wasn't, really"

"Maybe...I know it's a lot to ask and it might be a sensitive subject for you, so I hope I'm not saying anything wrong. But you getting control of your drinking would ease my mind a lot, I think"

"That's totally reasonable. And I am. I'm trying to, really hard. I'll try even harder now that you've told me, though"

"Oh. Uhm, good. Thank you" I smiled lightly.

"You're welcome, love" she said. "All good now?"

"Yeah, kind of" I sniffled.

"Good" she also smiled. "You're coming back in two days, right?"

"Yes, on the 3rd"

"You want me to come and pick you up at the station? Or are you leaving with your friend?"

"No, Mei's staying another few days. I wouldn't want you to drive 'til the station, though, it's not-"

"Oh shush, I already told you I don't mind. Just text me what time you're arriving 'cause I'll just forget if you tell me now"

"Okay, then. Thank you" I said, realizing I felt much better than just a few minutes before.

"No problem. You know I'm always happy to help you in any way I can." she said. "And maybe if you want to talk more about, uhm, what I said, we can once we're actually together and not talking through a screen. But we can also just finish the conversation here and now if you prefer"

"Yeah, maybe we should. Or I should. I mean...yeah, I'll think about it"

We ended up talking for another hour, or even more, about just random stuff and our plans for the next few weeks.

I had to resume my studying for the upcoming exams, while my birthday was also coming up at the end of the month. It would be my first birthday away from my family and hometown friends ever, and I wasn't sure on how to feel about that.

Whatever happened, it was going to be an interesting month.

The next day I spent the morning at Vic's house and stayed until after lunch, the both of us having to pack since she was also leaving the next day.

I told her how my conversation with Sam had gone, and how I finally felt like I didn't have that enormous weight on my chest anymore.

"That's good, I told you it was better to talk about it as soon as you could. But never trust anyone completely, okay? Especially in these situations" was her reply.

"What do you mean? Of course I trust her" I asked.

"I know you do. You wouldn't be with her if you didn't. What I mean is that while what she said is most likely true, hopefully, you should still be cautious. Tell her immediately if something isn't sitting right with you or if you're upset by something. Or you'll end up being a complete ball of stress"

"I think I already might be one"

"Well, more than you already are then. Let's avoid that"

"Fair enough" I laughed. "Thanks Vic, I really don't know what I'd do without you. And sorry for making your whole Christmas break a continuous rant about my life, I feel like I didn't even let you talk about you much"

"Don't even go there. You know I don't mind. And I said everything about me I'd planned to tell you. It's all good"

"You sure?"

"One-hundred percent" she said, getting closer to hug me. "I'm gonna miss you so much"

"Me too" I sighed. "Please come visit me sometime. It'd be so cool"

"Ugh, I wish. I'll see what I can do"

"Please do" I said, getting up from the couch we were sitting on as I'd just seen the time and knew it was getting late.

I was going to have to get up really early the following day because for some reason the next direct train to New York was in the evening, and I wouldn't have known what to do for all that time since Vic was also leaving early with me.

As soon as I made sure of the exact time of my journey I texted Sam to tell her what time I'd arrive, and even if she didn't even read the text for a few hours I didn't feel as stressed as that would have made me a few days before.

I gathered the stuff I wouldn't need for the evening and packed it in my small blue suitcase, suddenly feeling sad about the fact that I wouldn't be sleeping in my room for a long time after that night.

The only thing that consoled me was that I probably was going to be sleeping in Sam's arms most days of the following months.

a/n: 

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