MACAU STORY: MEMORIES WITH ME

CHAPTER 3 PART 2 - "CASSETTE PLAYERS"

-[hospital]-

I opened my eyes and woke up in exhausted before realizing that my hand already had a salt water line penetrated, I was not able to do it…

“P'Pete,” I slowly called the person name who sit next to me, with tears welling up again and again.

P'Pete jumped in and hugged me with tears as well. why I haven't died yet! P'Pete would cry only at once then he don't have to make a sad face like this again. Why?

In my heart I blame myself for Causing the person in front of me to feel uncomfortable, even though he tried to smile at me, but I knew how much the incident I did this time caused P'Pete pain.

Realizing that, I constantly blame myself and want to disappear from the world again. I don't want to hurt any more. I don't want to see anyone suffer because of me anymore.

I don't know now whether my existence or death would be less painful.

“I want to go home…” I told P'Pete, in a trembling voice, that my tired eyes shone with hope again.

“Hungry?” P'Pete's words made me sob non-stop. Those eyes filled with love and light, that made me even more confused like what I have done trying kill myself if it's really right?....

Both his smiles and eyes are very caring from this man that warmly flashed into my heart. Until I felt pity for myself for doing something stupid like that, like the blurred consciousness and cursing a moment ago, replaced with a smile of the sun that shone brightly in my mind and a fraction.

The only moment I felt really fortunate to have him into my life. My emotions were so volatile that it was hard to stop. I want to die, but I feel the warmth on his eyes Until my brain started to spin.

"I want to go home..."

"Okay... let's go home and eat pizza" but it seems that my dark and sunken side being pulled up again by all the strength.

P'Pete's sentences and embrace from him made me….like I wanted to have him a little longer.

That wicked feeling of wanting to die is faded until I was numb and there was a never ending feeling of inner resistance.

Then I suddenly started to fall asleep again.

“Wait for the saline bottle to run out. I've already injected an antidepressant. Macau it might be a bit confusing But you will wake up again you will be more comfortable.”

I opened my eyes again because I felt something twitch on my wrist... and found that it was the nurse who came to remove the IV line.

“Brother Pete?” I asked him in a hoarse voice. Until he has to rush to pour water into a glass and send it to me.

“Mr.Pete went to get your medicine. He will Wait for Mr. Macao to change clothes. Then The nurse will take you down to the car.”

I was empty and thought back to my action, my childish behavior Made my own heartbreak In the end, i made a difficut to P'Pete again. The more I look back on P'Pete's eyes that I saw when I wake up, the more I feel guilty for doing so.

I was too selfish to try to die first, I know how upset the people around me might be. Why am I such an idiot?

"I'll be with the male nurse." When I saw that the female nurse left, The nurse in my room came to help me to sit up. But instead, I felt more energized and not as sad as at first.

Maybe it's because of the drug effect. Now I just want to relax and feel more relieved, so I asked the nurse.

“Brother...can I have a cigarette?” I immediately saw his troubled expression. But I didn't give up trying.