Jul says I need therapy, she says because everything that's been happening with my multiple bad dreams with each nap or each time I fall asleep.
I do agree with her, my trauma is catching up to me in my mind no matter what i do I can't escape the monsters in my mind tormenting me.
I can't talk to anyone about it they don't understand plus it puts a weird feeling between our relationship but it's okay if they need me and need to talk.
I just don't understand how they leave me for other friends but say they need me when their said but what about when I NEED you.
I had a panic attack last night because I hate myself the way I talk the way I show love or emotions and sometimes I don't even know how to show it.
It's hard everything is so goddamn hard it's hard to deal with myself everyday living in disappointment.
Wake up
Do school
Hang out with bunnies
Listen to music or watch a show/movie
Repeat.
And yeah I'll go to my nanas or skating but other then that I'm home all day I have no life I appreciate everything I have though I appreciate I have the option to listen to music in peace and hang out with my bunnies.
Because all my life that's all I wanted and now I have it and I don't mind being alone now I've gotten so used to it I don't know how to talk to people and when I'm around people I feel anxious and awkward.
But it's just there's not enough distraction that's why I write and listen to music for 6 hours.
I need to distract my mind or i completely fall apart and reality kicks me in the ass and the second I know it I'm scratching my face unable to breathe or think and all I do is just cry.
I don't know how to explain how I feel so I'm trying my best but I'm just a kid I'll turn 14 in two months and I don't like that I just want to stay little I have enough problems I don't want to worry about where I'm living or how I'm gonna eat ect.
The one thing I like about my birthday is I'm noticed people tell me happy birthday and I get to do something fun I'm actually paid attention too people call me pretty and that they enjoy spending time with me.
So do I.
I wish it would last I wish people would notice me more notice how I feel but no.
YOU ARE READING
A girl who didn't fit in the world
Non-FictionThese one shots I would call moments that I can't forget that are present when I write them moments where I feel as the Earth and everything in it hates me and when I walk the concrete breaks below it as I have to watch my step or one wrong move cou...
