Don't Look Down

Chapter Five: Can't Run From This One

The waves could never hurt me. They were my happy place- well, the beach was. I wasn't the biggest fan of going into the ocean, but the beach was a calming place to sit and cool off for a while.

    I spent so many days and nights at this exact beach with Baywatch during our TOPGUN days. Neither of us had family for family weekend, so we'd come down here instead to do whatever we wanted. Talked, enjoyed the silence, and sometimes we'd play random beach games.

    So when my car drove me here and my feet carried me to the exact place on the sand, I started sobbing. It's like the tears were wanting for this moment. There was a stone at the top of the sand near the parking lot that we scratched our initials into along with BFF, because we're teenage girls.

    We were.

    My eyes were dried up at this point and I felt overly dehydrated from all the crying. I didn't know how to go back to my place or even training after walking out like that. Not only would Maverick be pissed off, but Hangman would be smug as ever and the Admirals would be even more mad. I could get kicked out of the mission completely.

    My ears perked at the sound of footsteps in the sand behind me. They were heavier than Nat's, so I figured it was the mustached pilot coming to give me the same treatment I had the day before.

    As much as I appreciated the sentiment, I didn't want this right now. "Go away, Rooster. I'm not in the mood."

    "Well I'm sure if Rooster were here, he'd listen."

    I turned around to see Maverick standing there instead, in civilian clothes. Right, I was still in my flight suit, not even stopping to change into something less... sweaty.

    Turning back around, I sighed. "I'm not looking for a lecture right now, either, so please just save it," I said. My knees, which had been tucked up to my chest, were the perfect spot for me to rest my chin as I sat and continued to watch the waves.

    "You're O for two," Maverick said. Confused, I turned to see him moving to sit down next to me. He looked over at me and I looked away. Wherever this was going, I wasn't sure I wanted to go there.

    He sighed and mimicked the way I was sitting. "Losing people is part of this job. It sucks- no one said it didn't- but it isn't unexpected."

    We were going there. "This feels different than just having to deal with losing a wingman," I muttered.

    Maverick nodded and then looked out to the ocean. "In my TOPGUN days I flew with my best friend from flight school. We got called in together, got this opportunity together. Lieutenant Nick Bradshaw, callsign Goose."

    My eyes went wide and I gasped. "The same?"

    "The very same. Part of why he doesn't like me so much," he confirmed.

    I looked back out on the ocean as more puzzle pieces connected. "That's why you pulled his papers, isn't it?" I asked after a moment of silence. My head turned back to look at him.

    Nodding, he said, "Part of it." We were quiet again as I waited to see where he was going. After another beat, he went on. "It should've been routine, but I got caught up in my wingman's jet wash and couldn't regain control. He punched us out, but he hit the canopy as he did. Killed him instantly."

    How do I respond to that? Luckily, he wasn't done, so I didn't have to yet. "I still feel like it's my fault sometimes. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't roll through everything I could've done differently that would've saved his life. But that won't bring him back, believe me, it would have by now."