Lost Without You » [Luke Patterson]-Au

Chapter 20

Tanna Carson

"Luke!" I squirm underneath him, trying my hardest to push him off me as continues to pepper kisses over my face. "Stop!"

"I don't. think. I will." He says, punctuating each phrase between soft kisses against my skin.

"Why's that?" Finally stopping his antics, he hovers above me, keeping his face about an inch away from mine.

"I'm quite enjoying myself." He slowly lowers his lips, molding with my own as I snake my hands up and around his neck.

"That so?" I let my fingers run through his hair, tugging slightly as his lips work against mine.

A deep moan escapes from his mouth, moving straight into my own at the feeling of my hands in his hair.

"Still have a thing for that don't ya?" I laugh, a smirk spreading across my face as he rolls his eyes at me.

"Maybe, but considering I know just what gets you going, I think you should tone down the teasing."

I lower my one hand, resting it against his chest before letting my fingers curl and hook onto the chain that rested around his neck.

"Where's the fun in that?" Looking directly up at him with hooded eyes, I tug on the chain slightly, forcing him to lower his lips back down onto mine.

His lips break away from mine, as he starts trailing them along my jawline, down to my neck.

I hum softly at the feeling, as his kisses turn into slow, open mouthed ones against my skin.

This is the furthest Luke and I have been in over two months. Besides pulling away from him emotionally, there was also the physical side of our relationship.

Every time something started between us, Sharon's voice echoed throughout my head, telling me how I wasn't good enough for Luke.

How I wasn't thin enough for him, and holding onto the hope that we'd stay together, I wouldn't let him see me the way Sharon did. I didn't have it in me to be so vulnerable with him anymore.

"Baby, you with me?" I flutter my eyes open, not remembering I had closed them in the first place, only to make eye contact with Luke, who was looking down at me with concern. "Tan."

His voice was soft, the worried tone of his voice becoming very evident as he kept his gaze locked on me.

He perched himself right next to me, lifting his one hand up to my cheek, before swiping his thumb against it, clearing away some tears that I hadn't notice escape.

"Hey, we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with, alright?"

He pushes himself upright, leaning towards his bedside table as I sit up as well.

"How does some water sound?" He turns back to me with a glass of water in his hands, holding it out for me to take.

"Thank you." I lift the glass to my lips, tiling it back to take a sip as I try to regain control of my emotions.

"Tan, baby." He sighs, drawing my eyes to his. "I wish you'd tell me what's hurting you."

"I don't want you to worry about it."

"That's like telling the sun not to shine."

"You already have so much going on with the record label and I don't want you to worry about my problems on top of that."

"You are not another issue to me Tan, you are it for me, you are my priority." I swallow at those words, my heart soaring slightly before remembering that I shouldn't be his priority. His career needs to be.

"You know I love you Luke-"

"Why does this sound like you're breaking up with me?"

"No! No, never." I sigh softly, closing my eyes for a minute to regather my thoughts. "It's just that you should be prioritizing the band before me."

"Does this have something to do with what Sharon said?"

"Luke jus- did you- how do you know about that?"

"So she did say something to you?" He sighs deeply, running both his hands over his face in both concern and frustration.

"It's not important." My voice drops considerably. I needed to find a way to get off this topic and fast.

"Not important? Not important- Tan if she said something to you, I need you to tell me."

"Luke, please." His gaze was intense, locking me in place- making me feel as if I could not move.

"Baby, there is not a single person or thing in this world that could stop me from loving you. You know that, right?" My eyebrows scrunch together as I keep my eyes on his. "Right?"

"I'm not good enough for you Luke." I huff out, getting ready to let everything off my chest. "Not yet at least."

"Not yet- what? I'm sorry just give me a second, I'm trying to process all this." He shakes his head in disbelief before he slowly reaches for my hands. "How could you even begin to think that Tanna?"

"I've been so entranced by you, by us, that I didn't even begin to think about what I looked like to your image, so I needed to change that so I could stay with you."

"I need you to explain a bit more Tan." His eyebrows were furrowed, his face becoming more perplexed as I spoke.

"I didn't realize how I had gained some weight since we've been together and that I'm not thin enough for you, or how I should have been wearing makeup more often in public, incase someone saw me with you and realized I wasn't pretty enough to be with you."

"Fuck Tan. I wish you'd brought this up earlier so I could have told you that all of that is the biggest nonsense I have ever heard.

Everyday I struggle to understand how you exist, or better yet, how I managed to find someone like you. Someone so truly beautiful, both inside and out, with or without makeup. I don't give a shit about what other people think. I never have and never will, certainly not when it comes to the love of my life."

"But Luke, she wasn't wrong." Those words seemed to light up something inside him, as I watched his jaw clench and his eyes darken. "I should have been watching what I was eating and looking after myself more."

"She couldn't be more wrong about something in her life." He keeps his jaw set in place, my eyes running over his face to try and gauge what he was thinking. "I wish you'd believe me. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

"I- I want to try." I whisper softly, dropping my head down as I felt tears pricking at my eyes again.

Stop being so weak

"and I'll be here with you, every single day to remind you just how perfect you are." He hooks his hand underneath my chin, lifting my head until I was looking at him once again. "As long as you let me."