The Blondes of Bel-Air

GEMMA

I tried to sneak into the house, but my mother was in the front room sitting crossed-legged on the floor, candles burning around her in a circle.

"Come feel the love! I'm doing a guided meditation!" Pamela said in a hushed tone. On her ipad, a female intoned the listener to perform a deep inhalation and release.

"I don't want to feel the love!" I snapped. As if things could be fixed with a few stretches and breathing? I sniffed the air. Was something burning?

"Incense," Pamela said as if reading my mind. "Are the cameras coming by today? I need to change clothes if they are." She wore a tiny off-the-shoulder top and tight spandex pants. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a sloppy bun on top of her head. Her frosted eye shadow nearly glowed in the candlelight.

"No mom, you've been on the show more than enough already." I made my way to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of pH-balanced water, then leaned against the fridge.

Everything that transpired with Taylor, Zappos, the pressure of the show filming all day and even sometimes after school, Lily breaking down, and all the demands made me feel off-kilter and ready to snap.

What we had done with Taylor made me sick to my stomach. And if anyone found out... I shuddered to think what would happen. No college, no career, a police record.

Aside from that, I'd never survive in prison! I'd last a day, maybe. I was fragile and weak.

I recognized as I tossed the bottle in the recycle bin, the feeling I experienced was pure resentment. Maybe Pamela was right, I needed some deep breathing and meditation, and my chi realigned. If only my felonious problems could be fixed by exhaling through my nose and opening my third eye.

Yes, I was bitter about having to keep this massive secret. Maybe a small part of me hated Lily. If it weren't for Lily insisting we keep Taylor's death to ourselves, we could have gone to the police, admitted everything, and dealt with the repercussions swiftly.

We were innocent! Weren't we? It was an accident. Accidents happen all the time.

If we had gone to the police, Taylor's mother wouldn't be frantic with worry and Lily would not be in the midst of a breakdown. I wished I had stood up to Lily and told someone the truth about that night. I longed to tell Pamela, to relieve the burden of guilt, but I was bound by loyalty to Lily.

In fourth grade, we cut each other with a knife pilfered from Lily's kitchen and made each other blood sisters. I'd never betray Lily. Our friendship ran too deep, although the boundaries were tested at the moment.

I was mad at her, yes, but I was also angry with myself and the choices I had made.

"Hey girlfriend, how's my BFF?" Pamela padded into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of green sludge. It gave her terrible gas, but she insisted it was detoxifying.

I rubbed the space between my eyebrows. The muscles in my back were tense and my entire body was tight with worry and regret. I couldn't meet my mother's eyes and stared at the floor. I wanted to ask her for a deep tissue massage but didn't want to talk about why I needed one.

"Oh, you know. Just stressed. I don't want to talk about it."

I can't talk about it, I thought, or I'll have to tell you goodbye and head to jail. Did Bel-Air even have a jail? If it did, surely it wouldn't be too bad, right? Full of crooked bankers and lawyers? I could handle white-collar criminals I'm sure. Couldn't I? 

Maybe it was an ultra-light security prison with a coffee bar and a workout center? Perhaps after a year or two, I could even earn college credits.

It will be okay, I told myself.

"Oh, tell me everything. I'm here for you. You know besties don't have secrets from each other!" Pamela stuck her lower lip out like a baby. I absolutely hated it when she did that.

"It's nothing."

She held up both hands. "I won't beg you to tell me, I respect your privacy. But you can always talk to me, you know I'm a totes cool mom and we can discuss anything, okay? And guess what? Kale chips and tofu stir fry for dinner!" She smiled and bumped her hip against mine.

"Fantastic," I said with no emotion in my voice. "Yay."

"Best friends forever!" She sang out with a grin.

"Right, mom." God, she was weird.

"Oh, before I forget, Taylor called. I thought it was odd because that's the girl who is in hiding or something, isn't it? And the connection was bad, like total static! So it may not have been Taylor. But what other name sounds like that? Sailor? Do you go to school with a Sailor?"

"What?" Suddenly my knees were made of sticks, about to buckle beneath me.

Pamela put a hand on top of her head and patted her bun. "Is this important? Sorry I cannot believe it slipped my mind! I should've written it down, but I was mid-"

"What? When? When did she call?" I started to see spots and my eyes weren't focusing. Pamela blurred before me.

"Well, it was right before my guided meditation, which is probably why it got pushed to the corner of my mind. I feel like I'm just coming out of it right now."

"Did she leave a number? Did the caller ID show a number?"

I grabbed the house phone, which rarely ever rang, and scrolled through the calls. The last one was from an UNKNOWN name and BLOCKED number.

"Should... we call the crew in? Maybe Freddy Levin wants to come over and investigate?" Pamela's eyes lit up. "I can be ready in a flash. I need to refresh my makeup and change my clothes and then-"

But before Pamela could throw out another idea, I grabbed my keys and was already in the car.