You're All I Have

Chapter 5

There's a sense of worthlessness that comes with trying to overcome something you know you can't overcome. There's a sense of worthlessness that comes to clinging onto a false strand of hope and trying your best, despite knowing it wouldn't have worked out in the first place.

That worthlessness was what I felt when I reached for the door handle in an attempt to escape, even when Jackson was blocking it. Everything inside of me was screaming at me to leave. But the instant my hands wrapped around the metal handle, he grabbed my wrist and shoved me roughly away from the door.

The side of my body made contact with the ground first. The force was so strong that the impact sent a searing feeling of soreness throughout my entire body. In the time it took for me to recover from the initial shock, Jackson was lifting me up by my arms as if I didn't weigh a single thing to him.

As Jackson forced me still with a strong hold of my arms, the panic in me reached its peak. My heart hammered loudly in my ear, racing faster with every shallow breath as my entire body went tense. I felt sick. I felt scared.

But if there was one thing I was sure of, it was that I had to use the adrenaline from the fear I was experiencing to find a way out. My eyes flickered from the door, to Carter and Warren who kept singing, then to Blake who was watching me from the couch in amusement.

Get out, Cara. You have to get out.

With desperation, I rammed my body back into Jackson's large figure. I started kicking wherever my feet could reach while I struggled to get my arms out of his grip. I tried to pull away from him as well, but Jackson grabbed a first full of my hair, taking me by surprise.

He threw me against the wall, my head slamming into it first. Intense, throbbing pain ruptured through my head. If I hadn't pressed my hands against the wall, I would have dropped to the ground immediately. In a split second, his arms were wrapped around my neck, my body flushed against his once more.

"Fucking bitch," Jackson snarled in my ear as he pushed down into my windpipe, giving me no time to recover. My head was throbbing from the impact, but the deprivation of oxygen suddenly made it worse. I clawed and scratched at his arm, digging my nails into him as I continued to fight him.

That resulted in angering him even more. His grip around me tightened and that was when I couldn't gasp for air anymore. The flashing lights blurred into one mess as I started to lose my vision. Dizziness made my entire body go limp, even though I desperately wanted to get out.

"Calm down, Cara," Blake said, standing up from the couch. His voice brought me back to the moment. "He's got a temper. Stop fighting."

Before my vision could fully go black, I dropped my hands down to my sides and listened. Jackson released some pressure, allowing me to breathe again. Blood rushed to my brain quickly, but I didn't have time to think about recovering. I still had to get out.

Jackson's arm was placed so I couldn't move unless I fought him. I had to will my body not shake violently out of the overwhelming anxiety that was rushing over me. I wanted to go home. I wanted to get out of here.

Blake reached down and grabbed a cup from the table. He took a large gulp of the alcohol and laughed in what seemed to be relief from not having to keep up his act anymore. As he approached me slowly, fear crept up my spine and sudden nausea took over. Every time I struggled in Jackson's arms, his hold would only get tighter around my neck, and I didn't want to be strangled again.

"What's wrong, Cara?" Blake asked, cocking his head to the side with a false look of concern. "Don't you like me? You wanted me first, didn't you?" Before I could say anything, he burst into a fit of laughter as he set his cup down. "God, you should've seen yourself! You were like– fucking fawning over me! I swear I thought you were in love with me at some point."