SHIELDER (CPAGS Epilogue)

Part 20

"Wala na ho masyadong hallucinations. Nakatulong po 'yung mga gamot. Hindi na rin gaanong madalas ang switching. Si Zeno na lang, eh..."

"Tingin mo wala na talaga 'yung iba?"

Natahimik ako. Pinakiramdaman muna ang sarili ko bago ngumiti.

"Hindi ko alam... Pero sana, nandito pa rin sila and just like before... Secretly watching over me."

Mrs. Pineda nodded as she gave me a gentle smile. As if telling me that she could understand. Because now that I finally accepted my condition, saka ko lang nare-realize ang mga ginawa para sa 'kin ng mga alter ko.

They were there when I thought that I was alone. Supporting me... Helping me...

"Okay ka na ba ngayon?" muling tanong ni Mrs. Pineda. "Kung tatanungin ko kung sa palagay mo ba kaya mong mamuhay ng normal with your condition, ano nang isasagot mo sa 'kin?"

Tinignan ko ang therapist ko sa mga mata.

"I can... I can live normally. Even with my condition," I said. "Because my condition isn't here to stop me from living a normal life. It is here to protect me."

"That's right, Gray... Kapag tinanong din kita kung sa palagay mo rin ba, pwede mo nang makasama ang mga taong mahahalaga sa 'yo, ang mga mahal mo sa buhay, ano nang isasagot mo?"

I was about to say yes. Because that's what I've been doing lately, right? Being with the people I cared about, my nephews, my friends, and even Kuya Hunter was just outside.

But then there was her. S'ya na gustong-gusto ko ring makasama. S'ya na pinakagusto kong makasama sa lahat.

Mrs. Pineda sighed. Nahalata ang pag-aalangan ko. Nawala ang ngiti n'ya kanina but she still had that gentle look in her eyes.

"Gray... I want you to be totally okay. I want you to fully understand that your condition is not there to hold you back on all the things that you want to do. It is not there to hold you back from being with people you love." She took a deep breath. "I'm not forcing you, okay? Of course, the most important thing is for you to be ready. Gusto ko lang maintindihan mo that your condition isn't a curse. It is there to protect you."

Tumango ako. I know... I know about that. Tanggap ko na rin naman ang kondisyon ko. But... There's still a but.

Masyado ko s'yang nasaktan. And I don't know if I still deserve to be with her. S'ya na walang ibang ginawa kundi ang mahalin at intindihin ako.

Everything in my life is getting better now... S'ya na lang talaga ang kulang.

"I..." Tumikhim ako. "Magfo-focus po muna siguro ako sa kung ano'ng meron ako. One step at a time."

Napatango-tango si Mrs. Pineda.

"Okay... But I hope there will be a time when you will walk in that door and I will see genuine happiness in your eyes, Gray..."

I smiled at my therapist.

"Thank you, Mrs. Pineda."

Lumabas na rin agad ako ng clinic pagkatapos ng session namin. At gaya ng dati, sinasamahan ako ni Mrs. Pineda hanggang sa pintuan para batiin si Kuya Hunter na palaging nagpapasalamat sa therapist ko bago kami tuluyang umalis. Tapos na ang session namin ni Mrs. Pineda but I think she's doing that to check my relationship with my brother. At kapag nakikita n'ya ang ngiti ko kapag lumalapit ako kay Kuya, I could always see her smiling in relief.

She didn't have to worry about my brother. Kuya Hunter was very supportive. Na kung minsan nga ay nanghihinayang ako sa mga panahong hindi ko sinabi sa kanya ang tungkol sa condition ko.